


you talk a different talk (and you kiss me differently)

by nonbinarynino



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Chat Noir/Ladybug Fluff, Chatting & Messaging, Crack, Crack and Angst, Implied/Referenced Panic Attacks, LadyNoir - Freeform, Lesbian Chloé Bourgeois, Minor Alya Césaire/Nino Lahiffe, Multi, Texting, nobody is straight, one-sided Queen Bee/Ladybug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-12
Updated: 2019-09-10
Packaged: 2019-09-13 02:55:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 23,291
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16884318
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nonbinarynino/pseuds/nonbinarynino
Summary: Ladybug:i will probably be on this chat the least out of all of youso just @ me if there’s something i should know about. otherwise i probably won’t be on(Or, the one where the team has a group chat!)





	1. ladybug exclusives™

**Author's Note:**

> this is from ladybug's perspective so will only show her one-on-one messages and the group messages that she sees - when she goes to bed/school, she won't be reading
> 
> this is kind of.... crack/fluff/angst all in one. so have fun with that!
> 
> follow me on tumblr: nonbinarynino

[14:56] _Chat Noir_ added _Ladybug_ to **miraculous squad**.

 

 **Chat Noir:  
**you still okay with this?

 

 **Ladybug:**  
it’ll be helpful for akumas and everything, i suppose  
just don’t expect me to gossip with all of you

 

 **Chat Noir:  
**:( you wound me

 

[14:58] _Chat Noir_ added _Rena Rouge, Carapace, and Queen Bee_ to **miraculous squad**.

 

 **Rena Rouge:  
**about time! I gave you my account info like two days ago

 

 **Carapace:**  
so did i  
but mainly bc rena forced me to

 

 **Rena Rouge:  
**:)

 

 **Chat Noir:  
**some of you are apparently lazier than others

  
  
**Queen Bee:**  
that’s a callout for me specifically and i will not stand for it  
i’ll have you know i’m quite busy!!

 

 **Ladybug:  
**hello everyone

 

 **Queen Bee:**  
JFKDLSJFDLKSJFKLDSJFKLSDJFs  
sorry my hand slipped. continue

 

 **Ladybug:**  
i will probably be on this chat the least out of all of you  
so just @ me if there’s something i should know about. otherwise i probably won’t be on

 

 **Rena Rouge:**  
that’s fine  
we promise not to annoy you too much

 

 **Ladybug:**  
you'll be fine  
just don't abuse the power. if any of you make me think that there's an akuma and there isn't  
you die

 

 **Chat Noir:  
**what a way to go, though

 

 **Carapace:  
**omg we can change our names on this thing???

 

[15:01] _Carapace_ changed their name to  _turtley radical._

 

 **Queen Bee:**  
i literally hate all of you  
besides ladybug  
of course 

 

 **Rena Rouge:  
**of course

 

[15:02]  _Rena Rouge_ changed their name to  _for fox sake._

 

[15:02]  _Chat Noir_ changed their name to  _the favorite._

 

 **for fox sake:  
**whose favorite????

 

 **the favorite:**  
well, everyone's, duh  
but i meant ladybug <3

 

 **turtley radical:**  
am i the only one that's not in love with ladybug  
like no offense lb if you're still here but like. is this some club i'm not a part of

 

 **Queen Bee:  
**i would rather die than be in a club with these losers

 

 **for fox sake:  
**can we have a cool name

 

 **the favorite:  
**like the ladyhugs

 

 **Queen Bee:  
**ew. no

 

 **turtley radical:  
**i thought you didnt want to be in the club

 

 **Queen Bee:**  
if my lesbianism forces me to be in some stupid club then so be it  
but its not gonna have a stupid ass name

 

 **the favorite:  
**does that make you a lesBEEan

 

 **Queen Bee:  
**stop i hate you

 

 **the favorite:**  
please make that your name  
i'll do anything

 

 **Queen Bee:  
**like what

 

 **the favorite:  
**i'll stop making puns for 24 hours

 

 **for fox sake:  
**that's too unrealistic

 

 **the favorite:**  
okay you're right  
i'll bring you something from my favorite bakery before the next patrol

 

 **turtley radical:**  
OOOH can i have some too tho!!! esp if its the dupain-chengs  
their croissants, man

 

 **Ladybug:  
**those are pretty good.

 

 **for fox sake:  
**omg lb i thought you abandoned us

 

 **Ladybug:**  
i have to make sure you guys don't immediately reveal your secret identities  
or somehow figure out mine

 

 **the favorite:  
**Queenie!!!! Bakery food for a pun username?? this should be an easy decision!

 

 **Queen Bee:**  
okay sure. whatever. they have cookies, right?  
my kwami likes cookies

 

 **Ladybug:  
**mine too! 

 

 **Queen Bee:**  
fjdsklfjdsklfjdslfdjslkfdsjlfkdjs  
sorry hand slipped again

 

[15:11]  _Queen Bee_ changed their name to  _lesBEEan._

 

 **the favorite:**  
now ladybug is the only one with a boring name  
ladybug change your name. join us

 

 **Ladybug:**  
i don't have any ideas lol  
you're admin, so change my name for me

 

 **turtley radical:**  
you just gave him wayyyyy too much power

 

 **for fox sake:**  
trust is the most important part of any relationship  
let him do it

 

 **the favorite:**  
omg i have so many ideas.....  
so many options.......

 

 **Ladybug:**  
well i have things to do that involve Not This, so i'll be back later, i suppose?  
i'm patrolling from 20-21 tomorrow. anyone who wants to join me can, but no pressure since i know it's a school night

 

 **lesBEEan:  
**FHSDJKLFHSDKL i'm available!!!!!!!!! in more ways than one

 

 **turtley radical:  
**subtle.

 

 **for fox sake:**  
ladybug before you leave i have one totally unimportant/highly important question  
for the sake of future jokes

 

 **Ladybug:  
**yes?

 

 **for fox sake:  
**are you straight

 

 **Ladybug:**  
lol  
if queenie's a lesBEEan, i'm a ladyBIrd  
see ya

 

* * *

 

[11:23]  **group chat: miraculous squad**

 

 **the favorite:**  
@everyone akuma near the hotel on rue belgrand

 

 **lesBEEan:  
**On my way

 

 **distinguished bi:**  
stuck as a civilian - figuring it out. be there soon.

 

 **the favorite:  
**like your new name, ladybug? :3

 

 **distinguished bi:**  
now is not the time????????? to ask??????????????

 

 **for fox sake:**  
need us to break you out, ladybug?

 

 **distinguished bi:**  
omg i'll be FINE just go fight the akuma till i get there  
and get off your phones!!!!

 

 **turtley radical:**  
yes mom

 

* * *

 

[19:02]  **group chat: miraculous squad**

 

 **turtley radical:**  
i hate having a job  
very vaguely for identity purposes: i work in retail.  
someone came in today asking if something was organic or not  
it was not food. it was not edible. when i told them that, they wanted to speak to my manager

 

 **for fox sake:**  
well, glad to see that retail is the same no matter what  
thank god my job's online  
oh ladybug's online. hey ladybug! 

 

 **distinguished bi:**  
hi!  
i havent had that many bad customers but then again i usually dont work up front

 

 **the favorite:**  
what!!!!!!!!!! you have a job!!!!!!!!  
i can't believe you give out Ladybug ExclusivesTM the second we make a group chat! you never told me that stuff!

 

 **distinguished bi:**  
it's not like it was any good info  
besides. that's not even really my main job. i only help out when they need me  
my main job is more solo

 

 **for fox sake:  
**so you're a twitch streamer

 

 **turtley radical:**  
RENA ROUGE!!!!!!!!!!!! what happened to not annoying ladybug too much!

 

 **distinguished bi** :  
haha i'd be a bad one  
i get too many bruises from being ladybug to be any sort of internet star

 

 **lesBEEan:**  
Wait, what?

 

 **the favorite:  
**doesn't the miraculous cure fix those though???

 

 **distinguished bi:**  
oops  
guess that was another Ladybug ExclusiveTM

 

 **turtley radical:**  
DUDE??????? the cure doesn't work on you?????  
or do you just like fall over IMMEDIATELY after

 

 **for fox sake:  
**carapace do you really think its the latter

 

 **turtley radical:**  
no !! im just giving ladybug an out because i'm a true homie

 

* * *

 

[19:34] **direct messages: Chat Noir**

**Chat Noir:  
**???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

 

 **Ladybug** **:  
**everything okay?

 

 **Chat Noir:**  
Why Wouldn't You Tell Me That The Cure Doesn't Work On You  
LADyBUG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 **Ladybug:**  
don't worry about it  
like, seriously. it's not like it doesn't work at all.  
a few small bruises after being thrown from building to building is a pretty good deal

 

 **Chat Noir:**  
so it does work???

 

 **Ladybug:**  
uhhhh i mean. it doesn't NOT work.  
like. do you remember that time that i broke my leg  
and you had to basically bring me the akuma on a silver platter

 

 **Chat Noir:**  
i literally could not forget that even if i tried. continue.

 

 **Ladybug:**  
remember how i was fine going home that day??? and how for patrol the next day i was fine, too?

 

 **Chat Noir:**  
... yeah

 

 **Ladybug:**  
see! nothing to worry about!!

 

 **Chat Noir:**  
if you're sure........  
but i'm keeping an eye on you from now on, okay

 

 **Ladybug:**  
sure. if it makes you feel better.

 

* * *

 

[21:53] **group chat: GREEN GANG**

 

 **lesBEEan:  
**wow. i literally hate this group name

 

 **for fox sake:**  
it was carapace  
something about... green gang? blue gang?

 

 **turtley radical:**  
please don't try to find out what the reference is  
i need my reputation intact

 

 **lesBEEan:**  
what reputation

 

 **turtley radical:  
**WOW OKAY.

 

 **for fox sake:**  
hi ladybug i see you online  
you're not sneaky

 

 **distinguished bi:**  
wasn't trying to be! i'm just working on something

 

 **for fox sake:  
**homework?

 

 **distinguished bi:  
**nah already did all of mine for tonight  
i got a commission

 

 **the favorite:  
**WHAT DO YOU DO COMMISSIONS FOR  
you know what. it doesn't matter. i'll buy ten.

 

 **lesBEEan:**  
JFKDSLFJDSL I'LL BUY TWENTY!

 

 **distinguished bi** **:**  
i appreciate the sentiment  
but 1. secret identities  
and 2. if i had to work on 30 commissions rn i think i'd explode, regardless of how rich i'd be after

 

 **for fox sake:**  
reasonable  
my friend takes commissions so i buy them when i can  
they're so good

 

 **the favorite:**  
what does your friend do commissions for?

 

 **for fox sake:  
**she does a lot of different stuff. i mainly buy her beanies  
but she also does graphic design/other fashion stuff

 

 **the favorite:**  
nice  
beanies are bi culture

 

 **for fox sake:**  
truly

 

 **turtley radical** **:**  
ladybug is such a cryptid  
she shows up, speaks for 5 minutes, and then leaves for another 10 hours.

 

 **for fox sake:**  
true!!!! but i mean it kindly!  
plus the lurking

 

 **the favorite:**  
ladybug we know you're still here  
impart more of your wisdom

 

 **distinguished bi** :  
zzzzzzzzzzzzzz

 

 **for fox sake:**  
inspiring

 

 **distinguished bi:**  
hey i'm tired! patrol went longer than i thought

 

 **turtley radical:**  
did something happen?

 

 **distinguished bi** :  
i don't know why doesn't chat tell you

 

 **the favorite** :  
:(  
i wanted to race!!!!  
and we forgot what we were doing  
and accidentally raced to versailles

 

 **lesBEEan:**  
how do you accidentally race 19 km

 

 **distinguished bi** :  
it was more like 22 lol  
i'll be tired tomorrow but that's fine  
at least i don't have gym tomorrow

 

 **for fox sake:**  
i bet when ladybug goes to gym class she's so shredded that everybody passes out

 

 **the favorite:**  
she told me once that somebody asked her how she got so ripped  
and she said it was from walking to school lol

 

 **distinguished bi** :  
I PANICKED.

 

 **turtley radical** :  
you know what i just realized  
ladybug was totally like  
"im only using this groupchat for akumas!!"  
and even tho she doesnt talk as much as us  
she totally gossips with us lol

 

 **distinguished bi** :  
omg i do not

 

 **for fox sake:**  
wow maybe ladybug should be disaster bi instead of distinguished bi  
or at least downgraded to functional

 

 **distinguished bi** :  
that's fine i am well aware of my disastrous tendencies  
what are all of you

 

 **the favorite:**  
we discussed this while you were afk once  
queenie is disaster lesbian  
rena rouge is functional bi  
i'm disaster bi, obviously  
carapace refuses to disclose his sexuality so we don't know what he is. but he's probably at least functional

 

 **turtley radical** :  
i just dont really have a specific label!  
i have a girlfriend and i don't think about anybody else

 

 **for fox sake** :  
thats cute but has to be false  
who is the cutest guy that you can think of

 

 **turtley radical** **:**  
uh.... jagged stone?

 

 **for fox sake** :  
yeah youre not straight  
jagged stone has emo twink written all over him

 

 **turtley radical:**  
RENA ROUGE!!!!

 

* * *

 

[3:53]  **group chat: GREEN GANG**

 **distinguished bi** :  
... anyone up?

 

[4:15]  **Delete message?  
**[ **Yes** /No]

 

* * *

 

[11:39]  **group chat: GREEN GANG**

 

 **for fox sake:  
**AKUMAAAAAAAAAAAAA @everyone  
near the bakery

 

 **lesBEE** **an:**  
Okay i'm close i'll be right there

 

 **turtley radical** **:**  
the bakery?  
did everyone who was inside get out okay

 

 **for fox sake:**  
i don't know  
i think one of the owners is the one akumatized. but i can't find their daughter.

 

 **the favorite:**  
i'm on the other side of the city but i'll be there as soon as i can  
don't worry. we'll find everyone who's unaccounted for

 

 **turtley radical:**  
i'll help you look once i get there. be there in 10 at the most  
anyone see ladybug?

 

 **for fox sake:**  
no i can't find her  
i'd give it maybe a half hour before we worry too hard about that, though

 

 **the favorite:**  
yeah that's fair  
sometimes things just happen  
okay i'm gonna stop texting so i can focus on getting there. see you soon.

 

* * *

 

 

[12:13]  **group chat: GREEN GANG**

 

 **for fox sake:**  
@distinguished bi @distinguished bi @distinguished bi

 

 **lesBEEan** :  
i don't think that will work

 

 **for fox sake** :  
i don't know what else to do! i'm panicking!  
my friend got hurt and we need ladybug

 

 **distinguished bi:**  
i'm  
here.

 

 **the favorite:  
**are you okay?? are you hurt?

 

 **turtley radical:**  
Ladybug!!!!!! youre alive!

 

 **distinguished bi:  
**i'm so sorry i'm late. i got trapped under some concrete  
my leg is just like. fucked. i can't move it.

 

 **the favorite:**  
where are you im coming to get you 

 

 **distinguished bi:**  
dont  
im about to transform  
the suit will make it so that i can walk, at least

 

 **for fox sake:**  
ladybug the second you get here im forcing you to sit down

 

* * *

 

[16:43] **group chat: GREEN GANG**

 

 **lesBEEan:  
**anyone hear if ladybug made it home okay?

 

 **Chat Noir:**  
yeah she called me on her yoyo earlier  
before she can lie and say she's okay!!!!! she's still banged up!!! the cure didn't do shit!!!!!!

 

 **turtley radical** :  
oh no. i'd @ her but i know how she feels about getting @d when there's no akuma  
@/ladybug feel better bro

 

 **for fox sake:**  
that fight... sucked. it just sucked.  
worst one in a while

 

 **the favorite:**  
yeah. agreed.

 

 **lesBEEan:**  
ladybug patrols fridays and mondays, right?

 

 **the favorite:**  
yeah. usually fridays are solo and then mondays i tag along

 

 **lesBEEan:**  
well. i can cover friday. whoever wants to cover monday can do it.  
ladybug should focus on getting better.

 

 **turtley radical:**  
rena and i got monday!

 

 **for fox sake:  
**We do???  
i mean! yeah! sure! we do!

 

 **distinguished bi:**  
haha  
thanks guys <3

 

 **lesBEEan:  
**FDJSKLFJSDLKFJSD LADYBUG1

 

 **the favorite:  
**LADYBUG IF YOU'RE INJURED GO TO BED RN

 

 **distinguished bi** :  
IT'S 16:00  
THATS TOO EARLY EVEN IF I AM A LITTLE BANGED UP  
my kwami told me i should transform later and then take a nap bc it'll heal me quicker lol

 

 **lesBEEan:  
**do that then!!!

 

 **distinguished bi** :  
nah i'm with family now  
i'll do all that later

 

 **turtley radical:**  
what'd you tell them about the injury?

 

 **distinguished bi:**  
the truth, mainly. it happened while i was detransformed after all  
they feel bad about it. really bad. even though it's not their fault.  
um.. though they don't know that the cure wouldn't work on me sooo... i'm pretending i'm fine

 

 **turtley radical:  
**LADYBUG.

 

 **for fox sake:  
**sorry that you have to lie to them  
that sucks  
worst part of this whole gig

 

 **distinguished bi:**  
yeah  
i'm getting tired of covering stuff up  
ah, well. i'mma hang out with them for real and get off the phone  
talk to you guys soon

 

 **the favorite:**  
you better  
keep us updated

 

* * *

 

[23:24]  **direct messages: Chat Noir**

 **Ladybug:  
**hey you awake???

 

 **Chat Noir:  
**yeah!!! you okay bugaboo?

 

 **Ladybug:  
**uhh this is stupid but  
wanna text me until i fall asleep

 

 **Chat Noir:**  
you say that as if i haven't daydreamed about this exact scenario  
of course i do!!! whatcha wanna talk about

 

 **Ladybug:  
**bold of you to assume i've thought that far  
do you have any netflix recs

 

 **Chat Noir:**    
What are you into?   
american cartoons? horror? rom-coms?  
read me everything on your netflix recently watched

 

 **Ladybug** :  
okay but if you judge me i kill you

 

 **Chat Noir:**  
im into it  
continue

 

 **Ladybug:**  
in order: orange is the new black, she ra, stranger things, thor ragnarok, to all the boys ive loved before, mamma mia, friends, daredevil

 

 **Chat Noir:**  
ok can we get married  
serious question  
i'll buy out the venue rn

 

 **Ladybug:**  
omg you're such a dork

 

 **Chat Noir:  
**okay hmmm  
if you liked daredevil then the defenders/the punisher  
voltron maybe, for she ra, but youll either love it or Hate It With Your Entire Being  
i havent seen this one but the kissing booth is the only rom com i can think of

 

 **Ladybug:**  
i havent seen it either  
ty for the others though  
whats your favorite netflix watch

 

 **Chat Noir:**  
don't laugh

 

 **Ladybug:**  
i wouldn't!

 

 **Chat Noir:  
**lilo and stitch is my all time fav  
i can quote like every line

 

 **Ladybug:**  
okay thats reasonable  
we should watch it together sometime

 

 **Chat Noir:**  
i'm game but like. how.

 

 **Ladybug:**  
uhhhhhh rabb.it? i'd have to make a new account though  
to do it in person i'd offer to bring my laptop to some random rooftop but like  
tfw no wifi

 

 **Chat Noir:**  
truly tragic  
rabb.it sounds fun though

 

 **Ladybug:**  
yeafkf  
sorry i meant to type yeah! but i yawned and fucked up

 

 **Chat Noir:**  
you can go to bed if you want???if you're tired?

 

 **Ladybug:**  
idk today just kind of . sucked  
don't really want to deal with those 20 minutes where i'm alone and trying to sleep

 

 **Chat Noir:**  
what if i call till you fall asleep?

 

 **Ladybug:  
**hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

 

 **Chat Noir:**  
what? afraid our voices are different when we're not suited up?

 

 **Ladybug:**  
well now i am  
but it's fine. i sound like a tired zombie anyway, not like myself  
just hang up when i fall asleep and if today is the day that i find out i snore, you can't use it for blackmail material

 

 **Chat Noir:**  
deal

 

[23:24]  **[Call started.]**

[00:59]  **[Call ended.]**

 

 **Chat Noir:  
**talk to you in the morning, my lady <3


	2. nice guys become akumas last

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **distinguished bi:**  
>  you guys are all so bad at secret identities

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> reminders about the usernames!!!
> 
> rena rouge/alya = for fox sake  
> carapace/nino = turtley radical  
> chat noir/adrien = the favorite  
> queen bee/chloe = lesBEEan  
> ladybug/marinette = distinguished bi

[10:23] **group chat: ladybug please interact**

 

 **for fox sake:  
**I think that was the first time that i genuinely just did not feel sympathy for the akuma victim

 

 **turtley radical:**  
yeah that guy was just mean

 

 **the favorite:**  
tfw your akuma is in your fedora but if you take off your fedora ladies won't know that you're a nice guy

 

 **for fox sake:**  
NDSJBFJS  
tfw you're a Nice Guy but you only target girls

 

 **the favorite:**  
this makes me feel bad about the my lady pet name  
because it's so close to m'lady

 

 **for fox sake:**  
yeah i think the only solution here is to say my queen instead

 

 **lesBEEan** :  
he better not

 

 **for fox sake:**  
my lord  
my overseeing ruler

 

 **the favorite:**  
i feel like if i ever called ladybug either of those  
the balance of the world would askew  
and then she'd just straight up kill me

 

 **for fox sake:**  
don't you have the worse nickname  
bugaboo

 

 **the favorite:**  
:3  
yeah but i'm never stopping with that one  
she used to HATE it so vehemently that i like  
asked her 'hey is this legit making you uncomfortable because i'll stop asap"  
and she was like "no it's fine i'm just never going to stop complaining about it because then you win"

 

 **for fox sake:**  
lol  
at least that makes you a legit nice guy  
and not a Nice Guy

 

 **the favorite:**  
thank you rena  
that's the nicest thing you've ever said to me

 

 **for fox sake:  
**i've said nicer? i think

 

 **turtley radical:**  
you "think"

 

 **the favorite:**  
you underestimate how much i appreciate the distinction of me vs. Nice Guy

 

 **distinguished bi:**  
why is the group name ladybug please interact

 

 **lesBEEan** :  
FJSDKLFJSLDFJDKSLFJS  
HI LADYBUG!

 

 **distinguished bi:**  
hiii

 

 **the favorite:**  
because you havent spoken since saturday! and its monday! we miss you

 

 **distinguished bi** :  
that's a perfectly reasonable time to go without talking to a friend!  
plus i was sooo busy on sunday  
i was working like 3 of my jobs

 

 **the favorite:**  
?? you have more than three jobs?

 

 **distinguished bi:**  
yeah but don't worry it's not like i'm working 50 hours a week or something  
most of them are like, a once-every-month type of thing  
and they all just happened to land on sunday

 

 **for fox sake:**  
oh yeah i get that  
one of my really good friends somehow is connected to a bunch of like, celebrities  
and it's so cool but this weekend they all needed a favor from her and it totally wiped her out

 

 **turtley radical:**  
does that make rena the most famous out of all of us  
due to her connection to a friend with connections

 

 **for fox sake:**  
my boyfriend is also semi-famous so i guess  
he's been on tv

 

 **the favorite:**  
sure lets go with rena

 

 **lesBEEan** :  
(:

 

 **distinguished bi:**  
you guys are all so bad at secret identities

 

 **the favorite:**  
thats because we all want to tell each other  
but our kwamis bind us to a commitment of deceit and secrecy

 

 **turtley radical:**  
f

 

 **distinguished bi:**  
yeah i mean  
i know i'm the strictest about it but like it would be really convenient  
but i'm also not gonna go against what Literal Gods know is the right way

 

 **the favorite:**  
after we defeat hawkmoth lets just all hold hands and detransform  
it'll be so romantic

 

 **turtley radical:**  
i'm game

 

 **for fox sake:**  
me too

 

 **lesBEEan:**  
i'm not holding hands with any of you weirdos  
unless its ladybug but that still leaves one hand open

 

 **distinguished bi:**  
wait it's like 10:30  
why are we all on our phones

 

 **for fox sake:**  
my excuse is that my teacher is like  
blind. and doesn't care

 

 **turtley radical:**  
same lol

 

 **lesBEEan:**  
i'm flat out not at school today

 

 **distinguished bi:**  
oh are you feeling okay, queenie?

 

 **lesBEEan:**  
fjdsklfjdsklfsdfkldjsl  
yeah i'm fine!!! i just uhhh had a project due today that i didn't finish  
so i'm not showing up

 

 **the favorite:**  
i'd say 'wow how irresponsible' but i've been there  
i'd spent the day before fighting an akuma so the next day i was like  
cough cough im sick :(

 

 **distinguished bi:**  
wow you guys are such model students

 

 **for fox sake:**  
oh ladybug, in all of our hectic speech, i almost forgot  
how's your leg

 

 **distinguished bi:**  
um its fine

 

 **the favorite:**  
okay now try that again  
but at least pretend like you're being honest

 

 **turtley radical:**  
man the deceit and secrecy is off the charts in this chat  
maybe we should change the name to "ladybug please be honest"

 

[10:54] _turtley radical_ changed the group chat name to  **ladybug please be honest.**

 

 **distinguished bi:**  
there's no trust in this household  
after all i do for you children

 

 **for fox sake:**  
please don't act like ur our mother  
we all have crushes on you it's weird

 

 **distinguished bi:**  
okay fine  
the broken bones have healed (thank you tikki) and i can walk fine  
but i'm still pretty bruised so if i bang into anything i might literally just collapse  
but when i'm in the suit, i feel fine. literally

 

 **turtley radical:**  
i trust her

 

 **the favorite:**  
but just becaues you feel fine in the suit doesnt mean that youre ACTUALLY fine in the suit?!?!  
like even if ur like oh gee i feel great im gonna go punch an akuma in the face what if the second u detransform it just gets worse

 

 **distinguished bi:**  
uhhhhhhhhh  
thats showbiz baby!  
hey i was honest can we change the group chat name again

 

 **the favorite:**  
you know what, ladybug

 

 **distinguished bi:**  
what

 

 **the favorite:**  
i'm demoting you

 

[10:59]  _distinguished bi_ was changed to  _disaster bi._

 

 **disaster bi:**  
:/  
in my own house

 

 **for fox sake:**  
hey ladybug  
why are you on your phone at 10:30 anyway

 

 **disaster bi:**  
oh uhhh i finished presenting a project and asked to spend the rest of the period in the library to work  
so the only person who could yell at me for being on my phone is the librarian  
but she loves me because i'm quiet when i need to be

 

 **for fox sake:**  
reasonable. you may proceed  
@lesBEEan if youre at home why arent you tlaking  
*talking

 

 **lesBEEan:**  
because i hate you losers

 

* * *

 

[19:24]  **group chat: queen bee CONFESS**

 

 **lesBEEan:**  
there is literally nothing that you idiots can do  
to make me confess to something  
that ISNT TRUE

 

 **the favorite:**  
i like how you sent that as 3 messages for emphasis  
really drives the point home

 

 **lesBEEan:**  
plus why would i tell you lsoers  
about who i have a crush on  
isn't that secret-identity revealing 

 

 **turtley radical:**  
well we're not like doxxing our crushes  
like  
just describing them? in vague terms?  
there's a lot of people in paris yknow

 

 **for fox sake:**  
true  
and who says that your crush even lives in paris  
maybe they live in southern france or something

 

 **turtley radical:**  
like here's an example  
my girlfriend is cute as fuck and i love her  
she calls me out on my bs and that makes me a better person

 

 **for fox sake:**  
here's my example  
my boyfriend knows all of my takeaway orders by memory  
and he knows what chocolates to get me like once a month if u know what im saying  
and he listens to me rant about what im passionate about even though he doesnt know any of the terms i use

 

 **the favorite:**  
your boyfriend only gets u chocolate once a month??  
thats rude

 

 **for fox sake:**  
nah he gets me some more than that  
i meant for periods

 

 **the favorite** :  
oh right  
i'm dumb

 

 **disaster bi:**  
no you're not

 

 **lesBEEan:**  
FJDSKLFJSL LADYVBUG  
but seriously don't flatter him

 

 **turtley radical:**  
wait screw queen bee  
i wanna hear who ladybug has a crush on

 

 **disaster bi:**  
lol good luck with that

 

 **the favorite:**  
ladybug you have a crush on someone???

 

 **disaster bi:**  
u,,m  
yes??? no?? its complicated. itd be confusing to explain

 

 **the favorite:**  
will you explain it if queen bee tells us about the girl she has a crush on

 

 **disaster bi:**  
ok  
but you gotta talk about your crush too

 

 **the favorite:**  
my crush???? ahhahahah what makes you think i have a crush......?????

 

 **disaster bi:**  
i have EYES?

 

 **lesBEEan:  
**chat noir you dont really think youre sneaky do you

 

 **the favorite:**  
shhhh  
tell us about your crush queenie

 

 **lesBEEan:**  
ugh okay  
the issue is that theres several

 

 **for fox sake:**  
oooh plot twist

 

 **lesBEEan:**  
there's this one girl who just! she used to make me so mad! but now i look at her and i think that  
i didn't really hate her?  
and i'm not gonna say i was jealous. because queens don't get jealous.  
but she was so comfortable with liking girls and boys  
and everyone supported her so much! and it wasn't fair

 

 **for fox sake:**  
aw queenie  
i didnt realize we were unlocking your tragic backstory

 

 **lesBEEan:**  
shut up! shut up. i'm done talking

 

 **the favorite:**  
no wait you said there was several

 

 **turtley radical:**  
thats cat speak for 'pls keep talking longer so i dont have to talk yet'

 

 **the favorite:  
**shut up

 

 **lesBEEan:**  
ughh okay theres two more  
theres one girl whos just like. perfect. an angel from above  
god i love girls  
anyway  
but uhh i think shes straight so im gonna get over it bc i dont wanna do that to myself  
and then theres a girl that i like and i know shes bi but like  
everyone likes her and i know she has feelings for someone else  
so not gonna bother with that

 

 **turtley radical:**  
i can't believe that queenie actually has 3 girls that fulfill her standards

 

 **lesBEEan:**  
i hate you stop talking  
chat noir speak

 

 **the favorite:**  
don't worry i'll save you from emotional vulnerability  
there's somebody who makes this cat's heart sing, it's true

 

 **lesBEEan:**  
i regret telling him to talk can he shut up

 

 **the favorite:**  
no now i must continue out of spite  
she has dark hair and bright eyes and i love her  
she's a badass and when she laughs, like, REALLY ugly laughs, snorts and all,  
i literally just fall for her harder  
and ive only heard her sleepy voice once but oh my GOD i literally just wanted to elope

 

 **turtley radical:**  
i'll be your best man!  
or at least, like .... your..................... ring bearer

 

 **the favorite:**  
sounds good  
not sure if i'm the right cat for her, though  
that's fine. i'm happy just knowing her

 

 **for fox sake:**  
awwwwwwww  
ladybug? i believe you have a complicated situation to fill us in on

 

 **disaster bi:**  
suddenly i can't read

 

 **lesBEEan:**  
hey i put myself through a HORRENDOUS emotional toll to hear this  
so deliver the gossip, ladybug

 

 **disaster bi:**  
okay fine  
it's just  
it's complicated.

 

 **the favorite:**  
you've said that, yes.

 

 **disaster bi:**  
ughh i don't know how to explain it  
i was SMITTEN with... someone. for a really long time. it was so bad. it was all like, wedding colors and baby names and all of that.  
i was in deep  
but i've been friends with them lately and i've kind of realized that like.. i was putting them on a reaaallly high pedestal  
like it was bad  
and it's not that the more i got to know them the less i liked them, bc that would be really shallow lol  
but i kind of realized that uhhhhh  
they really just need friends right now.  
and i want to be there.... as a friend.  
so i still do like... have some sort of romantic feelings there? but its less intense/unhealthy(?) and more just like  
im not gonna ask them out because i dont want to ruin the friendship but if they asked me out id be like okay sure  
but i'm also not gonna like... wait around for them anymore. i'd turned down a lot of nice people/cute people because i was so hung up on them  
okay fuck i rambled. wheres that gif of 'you sly dog you had me monologuing'

 

 **lesBEEan:**  
ladybug stop being so like. good of a person  
with your character growth and all of that  
it's making the rest of us look bad

 

 **for fox sake:**  
that is really healthy of u tho  
i hope your friendship with mystery person is healthy too!

 

 **disaster bi:**  
haha thanks! it is pretty good

 

 **the favorite:**  
they're really lucky to have you as a friend ladybug  
i should know!! i have you as a friend, too!

 

 **disaster bi** :  
:P  
okay i have to do some homework and you will all distract me so i'm gonna put my phone away  
i should be able to hear a notification if any of u @ me though  
see ya all later

 

 **the favorite:**  
bye bugaboo

 

 **disaster bi:**  
>:c

 

* * *

 

[23:06] **direct messages: Chat Noir**

 

 **Ladybug:**  
hypothetically

 

 **Chat Noir:**  
hello to you too, ladybug  
im doing great, ladybug  
thank you for asking, ladybug

 

 **Ladybug:**  
insert eye roll emoji that im too lazy to type in here

 

 **Chat Noir:**  
and yet you typed all of that  
but anyway, hypothetically....?

 

 **Ladybug:**  
what are you doing right now + for the next like. hour or two?

 

 **Chat Noir:  
**uhh not much? why, want to meet up?  
if this is a booty call you've gotta be more forward

 

 **Ladybug:**  
silly cat  
no i uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh  
i was wondering if uhhhhhhhhhhh

 

 **Chat Noir:**  
dont get your tongue in a twist  
your metaphorical tongue, since youre typing, not talking

 

 **Ladybug:**  
it's just stupid so idk if i wanna like speak it into existence

 

 **Chat Noir:**  
ohh! i recognize that self deprecation!  
do you want to call?

 

 **Ladybug:**  
yeah is that okay

 

 **Chat Noir:**  
obviously. next time just be like "hey bitch call me" and i will fall over my feet to do so

 

 **Ladybug:**  
dork  
give me 20 min? i gotta wash my face and all that jazz

 

 **Chat Noir:**  
i shall be waiting dramatically until your return

 

 **Ladybug:**  
i'm sure

 

 **Chat Noir:**  
full of awesome poses and long, extra sighs, and whatever it is that people do when they wait  
just kidding take ur time  
im a patient cat. a patiecat  
no that pun did not work at all. i tried too hard. ignore me.  
oops im spamming your phone i promise im not clingy

 

 **Ladybug:**  
pfffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffft

 

[23:39] **[Call started.]**

 

* * *

 

[00:14]  **group chat: gossip circle**

 

 **the favorite:**  
HELP ME

 

 **for fox sake:  
**?????????????

 

 **the favorite:  
**its ladybug  
she keeps giggling - no, CACKLING - and then sending me cursed images

 

 **for fox sake:**  
wow i thought u were actually in danger  
send me the images, ladybug, i want to feel included

 

 **the favorite:**  
"noooo, they need to think that i'm mature"  
im calling you out, ladybug  
youre not mature  
send the images

 

 **disaster bi:**  
how dare you  
callling me out like this! past midnight!  
when i'm tired and vulnerable!!

 

 **the favorite:**  
please just send them the hawkmoth one  
please  
for me <3 <3 <3

 

 **disaster bi:**  
fine  
i was just wondering  
if you guys think this is what hawkmoth looks like [[x](https://imgur.com/ibfKlLu)]

 

 **for fox sake:**  
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA  
ladybug where did you get that leaked exclusive of hawkmoth

 

 **turtley radical:  
**hi quick question, what the fuck did i just walk into

 

 **disaster bi:**  
shhhhhh  
you saw ntohigng  
oops spelling

 

 **for fox sake:**  
ladybug are you drunk

 

 **disaster bi:**  
NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 **the favorite:**  
ladybug just acts drunk past midnight, apparently  
this is a new discovery for me, as well  
i feel like i'm legally obligated to tell you that she's saying everything out loud as she types it

 

 **disaster bi:**  
listen  
i'm a badass, okay!  
i get BANGIN' grades and i work like 3 jobs and i'm ladybug, PLUS school extracurriculars  
if i don't get a good eight hours, all of that starts wearin' on my old, old bones  
plus i took some pain meds because my leg still hurts lol

 

 **for fox sake:**  
aren't you like  
15

 

 **disaster bi:**  
shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh  
my OLD, old bones

 

 **turtley radical:**  
i'm so here for ladybug's self love  
you go glen coco

 

 **disaster bi:**  
SOMEONE who appreciates me  
okay i'm really tired  
goodnight

 

 **turtley radical:**  
goodnight!

 

 **for fox sake:**  
goodnight ladybug  
lol, queenie's gonna be so mad she missed this

 

 **turtley radical:**  
she's too busy getting her precious beauty sleep. all 15 hours

 

 **disaster bi:**  
hey as someone who has slept for 17 hours straight once  
don't hate

 

 **for fox sake:**  
please sleep

 

* * *

 

[1:38] **direct messages: Chat Noir**

 

 **Chat Noir:**  
is it weird that i feel bad hanging up  
even though you've been asleep for like ten minutes already  
this feels vaguely like running out on ur s.o. in the middle of the night

 

[01:43] **[Call ended.]**

 

* * *

 

[4:34]  **group chat: gossip circle**

 

 **turtley radical:  
**@everyone akuma -- i'm in the 12th arr. rn but moving around a lot so just track me

 

 **for fox sake:**  
wtf its so early  
howd you even find out

 

 **turtley radical:**  
my kwami woke me up  
someone @ ladybug and chat till they answer  
queenie's already out here so you don't need to @ her

 

 **for fox sake:**  
@the favorite @disaster bi @the favorite @disaster bi 

 

 **the favorite:**  
why the fuck does hawkmoth do this to us  
its four in the morning doesnt he SLEEP

 

 **turtley radical:  
**now we just need ladybug  
which, by the way: do we let her do as much as she would if she wasn't injured  
or do we force her to sit down again

 

 **disaster bi:**  
i'll do as much as i damn please  
be there in 10

 

 **the favorite:**  
well good morning to you too sunshine

 

* * *

 

[7:01] **group chat: gossip circle**

**for fox sake:**  
well i hated that  
now i have school in less than an hour  
so much for a good night's sleep

 

 **disaster bi:**  
inject caffeine into my bloodstream please  
there's a 100% chance of my falling asleep during first period

 

 **the favorite:**  
what a model student

 

 **for fox sake** :  
if hawkmoth pulls that 2 akumas in one day bullshit again today  
what if none of us show up  
what if we just sleep through it and then he'll never get the miraculouses bc we'll be sleeping

 

 **turtley radical:**  
i wish  
but then we'd be like hated for abandoning paris

 

 **the favorite:**  
paris has squared up before, they can do it again

 

 **disaster bi:**  
we are not leaving 2.2 million people to their own devices

 

 **turtley radical:**  
but what if hawkmoth is like  
'hey ladybug. i'll inject espresso into ur soul if u give me your miraculous'

 

 **disaster bi:**  
well  
then i guess i gotta tell master fu i aint strong enough

 

 **the favorite:**  
"i ain't"?? what are you, american?

 

 **disaster bi:**  
it added flavor  
okay i gotta get ready for school so i'm gonna leave you all to your own devices  
take care of yourselves today! we had an early wake up call  
drink water/take meds/eat/sleep tonight, whatever you need. if anyone needs me to take their patrol lmk

 

 **for fox sake:**  
god ladybug you're too good for us

 

* * *

 

 

[7:52] **direct messages: Chat Noir**

 

 **Ladybug:**  
hey you don't have to answer because i know school probably starts soon for you  
but um  
thank you  
for the late night calls and for being my friend and respecting me and all that sappy stuff  
i'm glad i have you around yknow

 

 **Chat Noir:**  
no problem! anything you need, you know i'll make it happen  
have a good day today <3 <3 <3

 

 **Ladybug** :  
you too! :p

 

 **Chat Noir:**  
oh by the way  
if you'd wanna make the night calling a routine thing  
i'd be more than okay with that! it's really great talking to you at night bc i know i don't get to see you that much

 

 **Ladybug:**  
haha thanks  
i'll keep that in mind

 

 **Chat Noir:**  
<333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [chat noir that night to the 'ladyhugs' group chat (aka queen bee and rena rouge): calling ladybug every night is the best decision ive ever made i love her i love her i love her i love her i love her i love her  
> rena rouge: we know, that's why we have this secret second chat]
> 
> fun fact the nice guy akuma bit was based off of a fic i wrote when i was like 15 lolol its long gone though


	3. bro married

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **lesBEEan:**  
>  i can't believe ladybug just Went Off over twilight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's been a while, so nickname reminders:
> 
> the favorite: chat noir  
> disaster bi: ladybug  
> queen bee: lesBEEan  
> rena rouge: for fox sake  
> carapace: turtley radical

[11:34]  **group chat: gossip circle**

 

 **turtley radical:**  
.....................

 

 **for fox sake:**  
.......................

 

 **the favorite:**  
......................

 

 **lesBEEan:**  
i hate all of you.  
this group chat has been radio silent for almost twenty four hours  
and you broke the silence by continuing to be silent. amazing.

 

 **for fox sake:**  
its not like we can just ignore it???  
you cant hate us for trying to find a tactful way to approach it?

 

 **lesBEEan:  
**all of you? tactful? i have to laugh.

 

 **the favorite:**  
oooooooooooof

 

 **lesBEEan:**  
the only tactful one is ladybug and she's not even here

 

 **turtley radical:**  
you do realize thats probably for a reason, right?

 

 **lesBEEan:**  
excuse me?

 

 **for fox sake:  
**carapace low blow

 

 **turtley radical:**  
im just saying. ladybug hates bullies.

 

 **lesBEEan:**  
what does that even have to do with anything

 

 **for fox sake:**  
chloé.......

 

 **lesBEEan:**  
i'm not who i used to be, okay?  
i'm trying to be better and you certainly weren't refusing my help yesterday during the akuma attack  
so wouldn't it just be plain rude of you to go against me, now?

 

 **the favorite:**  
hey hey hey  
nobody said anything about going against you  
it's just the first identity reveal so far, okay? so we don't know how to deal with it yet.

 

 **turtley radical:**  
yeah......... first identity reveal............

 

 **for fox sake:**  
Carapace.

 

 **the favorite:  
**ummm unless you have something that you want to share with the class?????????

 

 **turtley radical:**  
no dude sorry im just takin this all in hahahahahaha

 

 **the favorite:**  
that was, like, one too many has  
but ill let it slide  
should one of us @ ladybug to make sure she's like......... alive

 

 **for fox sake:**  
you know how she feels about being @ d

 

 **the favorite:**  
yeah but i know she was supposed to patrol last night but she never checked in w/ us

 

 **turtley radical:**  
does she usually???

 

 **the favorite:**  
i mean. i guess not.  
i guess it just feels different than usual?

 

 **lesBEEan:**  
what's that supposed to mean

 

 **the favorite:**  
i just mean like  
we had our first IDENTITY REVEAL and she's nowhere to be found???  
don't you think that she would be like, giving inspirational group chat speeches right now or something?

 

 **turtley radical:**  
ladybug is like, kind of a cryptid, dude  
she goes where she wants, when she wants and the same goes for her talking here  
maybe she just can't be by her phone. she works a lot, right?

 

 **for fox sake:**  
yeah that's true  
thanks carapace, who is apparently giving inspirational group chat speeches in her steed

 

 **turtley radical:**  
well someone's gotta be the mother hen around here  
clean your room, chat  
do the dishes, rena  
learn to love yourself, chloé

 

 **lesBEEan:**  
how dare you talk to me like that

 

 **for fox sake:**  
maybe we should refrain from calling anybody by their civilian names in this chat?

 

 **turtley radical:**  
whats the point? if anybody finds this app on our phones we're all screwed anyway  
as long as you have it locked you should be fine

 

 **lesBEEan:**  
you can lock it?

 

 **turtley radical:**  
okay so first go to settings

 

* * *

 

**[16:54] group chat: gossip circle**

 

 **disaster bi:**  
sorry i've been afk i got detention lol  
queenie: who you are doesn't matter. what matters is that you fight alongside us for paris, do what's right, and make the constant effort to better yourself that we all do  
that goes to everyone else too. no matter who's under the mask, you all go out and fight and endanger yourselves. that alone should put any personal qualms that you might have with each other at ease.

 

 **turtley radical:**  
aw yeah see its so much better when ladybug does it  
why'd you get detention?

 

 **disaster bi:**  
i much appreciated it when you did it!  
also my school has a rule where if you're late enough times per semester you get detention and i hit my quota

 

 **turtley radical:**  
ooh, scandalous

 

 **the favorite:**  
step off my man ladybug  
he's mine. we're bro married

 

 **turtley radical:**  
bro.............

 

 **the favorite:**  
broooooooo................

 

 **for fox sake:**  
fellas , is it gay to get bro married

 

 **the favorite:  
**yes

 

 **turtley radical:**  
id go gay for you broo

 

 **the favorite:**  
bro.......

 

 **lesBEEan:**  
that is not how that works

 

 **for fox sake:**  
we've also already established that carapace is not straight  
jagged stone, remember

 

 **turtley radical:**  
don't godmod my sexuality, rena rouge  
thats my own journey n shit!!!!!!!!!!! i can be straight if i want to be!!!!!!!

 

 **the favorite:**  
yeah rena rouge  
dont talk to my husband that way

 

 **for fox sake:**  
oh, as if you wouldnt leave him for ladybug in 2.4 seconds

 

 **disaster bi:**  
heh, yeah, chat, what about me? :>

 

 **the favorite:**  
....  
you two fight dirty

 

 **turtley radical:**  
BRO........................ :[

 

 **the favorite:**  
im sorry! you'll have to get bro married to queenie instead

 

 **lesBEEan:**  
ew no

 

 **turtley radical:**  
i'm getting a bro divorce  
a brovorce.............

 

 **for fox sake:**  
tragic.  
still a better love story than twilight

 

 **disaster bi:**  
Okay loook..... twilight might be..... dysfunctional and morally incorrect at points .....

 

 **for fox sake:**  
i am enthusiastically interested to see how this sentence is going to end

 

 **turtley radical:**  
let her speak

 

 **disaster bi:**  
but it doesn't deserve all of the slander that it got!!!!!!  
if you forget about the whole, like... edward being really creepy thing, and the whole jacob-and-nessie thing.....  
its like, a solid 3 stars!

 

 **the favorite:**  
i cant believe ur defending something that you yourself put at 3 stars

 

 **disaster bi:**  
all i am going to say is that the movies - and books - deserved criticism  
but that criticism should have been "this is an inaccurate representation of native american culture" and not "uwu kstew doesnt smile enough"

 

 **for fox sake:**  
you know what? valid.

 

 **lesBEEan:**  
i can't believe ladybug just Went Off over twilight

 

 **disaster bi:**  
also rosalie was my bi awakening so i have a soft spot for that franchise ://///////

 

 **turtley radical:**  
oh yeah i get stuff like that! like sometimes there's media that really isnt good at all but i like it anyway bc of my associations with it

 

 **for fox sake:**  
yeah same  
or the opposite and i hate perfectly good media bc of my associations with it

 

 **disaster bi:**  
ooh yeah theres a lot of both of that for me  
sometimes people play songs and im like "omfg SKIP IT" but i cannot tell them why bc all they know is that its a banger

 

 **lesBEEan:**  
hey losers + ladybug, not to interrupt this obviously highly important conversation (not)  
but i would try to clear your schedule for the next few hours bc i think im witnessing an akuma about to happen

 

 **disaster bi:**  
what's happening?

 

 **lesBEEan:**  
i went back to my school for a hot minute because i left one of my assignments in my locker  
and i think that rugby practice just got out and one of the girls - lilian cailloux, i thiink - is like ugly sobbing  
i know being upset doesnt always equal an akuma but i know that hawkmoth like, has a boner for my school

 

 **the favorite:**  
ew?  
but thanks for letting us know --- if i can transform soon i'll go check it out  
can you try to calm her down before anything happens?

 

 **lesBEEan:**  
Ugh do I have to

 

 **disaster bi:**  
it's either that or fighting her later

 

 **lesBEEan:**  
i dont think it'll do anything but okay i'll try

 

 **turtley radical:**  
i wonder what could have happened at a rugby practice

 

 **for fox sake:**  
an injury? maybe she got benched? there's no real use in guessing anyway

 

 **turtley radical:**  
i'm so glad i don't play team sports

 

 **for fox sake:**  
me too  
i just like exercising as a solo thing  
being rena rouge is different but when i'm myself it feels like people are staring, i guess...?

 

 **disaster bi:**  
i get that  
i don't even know how i'd fit team sports into my schedule nowadays lol  
though i suppose that being ladybug might give me an unfair advantage anyway

 

 **lesBEEan:**  
update on the akuma situation: i made it worse

 

 **disaster bi:**  
thank you for trying, though!  
i wonder if it would be worth it to speak to some sort of peer counselor and see if they have any advice on talking to akuma victims  
because i've definitely said the wrong thing at the wrong time  
oh well, food for thought. i'm free rn so i'm going to go transform and check out the school

 

 **turtley radical:**  
okay bring your phone in case you need to contact us

 

 **disaster bi:**  
ugh i wish my suit had pockets  
im in desperate need of a fanny pack

 

 **for fox sake:**  
please do not.  
maybe you could get one of those armbands that runners use?

 

 **disaster bi:**  
good plan  
okay i'm gonna check it out now. check the news/social media in a bit in case i get too wrapped up to text

 

 **the favorite:**  
safe travels, lb!

 

 **for fox sake:**  
pfffffft safe travels  
as if she's going off to war and you're her waiting wife

 

 **the favorite:**  
shut uppppp  
we are all her waiting wives, except carapace

 

 **lesBEEan:**  
lets move this to the other group chat before you guys embarrass yourselves

 

 **turtley radical:**  
OTHER GROUP CHAT?  
YOU GUYS HAVE ANOTHER GROUP CHAT??????  
omg are ladybug and i left out thats so sad  
i'm going to make a group chat with just ladybug in revenge

 

 **for fox sake:**  
it's not a group chat if there's only two of you!

 

 **turtley radical:**  
FUCK.

 

* * *

 

[21:02]  **group chat: gossip circle**

 

 **for fox sake:**  
that took such a long time

 

 **turtley radical:**  
ikr i was not really expecting something that.... hard, i guess?  
i know it's always hard but that was somethin else lolll

 

 **lesBEEan:**  
it's in the job description

 

 **turtley radical:**  
we don't have a job description

 

 **disaster bi:**  
we would have to get paid for this to be a job  
who knows, maybe someday when the threat's over the city will just give us six figures for our trouble

 

 **lesBEEan:**  
i will legitimately try to make that happen  
does that imply an identity reveal to the whole city, not just us?

 

 **disaster bi:**  
i don't know -- i think i'd rather it be just us. i don't need paparazzi or anything  
i'm sure we could somehow circumvent the identity thing in the name of money  
but idk if that would even happen in the first place

 

 **turtley radical:**  
it would be nice  
i've been talking with my girlfriend about how we both might go international for university  
so monetary compensation would definitely help lol

 

 **disaster bi:**  
oh, do you know anywhere specifically?

 

 **turtley radical:**  
idk she wants to stay in europe but i'm thinking maybe US  
some of the cities there have really good programs for what i want to go into

 

 **disaster bi:**  
oh well it'll be fun visiting each other then

 

 **for fox sake:**  
what about you, ladybug? international? somewhere else in france?

 

 **disaster bi:**  
i haven't thought much about it at all, honestly  
i'll probably stay in france but idk about paris specifically  
i think i want to end up in paris eventually but that doesnt mean i have to stay here for university

 

 **turtley radical:**  
makes sense  
hey, has anyone seen chat?

 

 **disaster bi:**  
idk he didnt have to use cataclysm so he was staying behind to help with lilian. he'll probably come on within the hour  
she was so distraught about being akumatized i feel so bad for her

 

 **for fox sake:**  
yeah it's pretty scary being akumatized  
from what i hear, i mean. it seems really violating and terrible

 

 **lesBEEan:**  
take it from me: it sucks. it really sucks.  
i cant believe what those kids said to her, though. they're not in any of my classes so i barely know them

 

 **disaster bi:**  
i know. it almost makes you realize why so many kids from that school are getting akumatized, right?  
maybe we should talk to the principal and i don't know. convince him to offer more resources for bullying and mental health and all of that  
and lgbt stuff since that's what started this one

 

 **lesBEEan:**  
have you thought about coming out? in the suit, i mean?  
i never really had a gay role model growing up  
maybe it would help with some of the bullying situations, since a bunch of people really idolize you

 

 **disaster bi:**  
that's a really good idea, actually. i don't really know how i'll pull it off, though? i'd have to really bluntly drop it in the middle of an interview lol  
unless you or rena rouge wants to just like make out with me in the middle of the streets

 

 **lesBEEan:**  
JKLFDSJFKLDSJFKLDSFJDSLKFJSKLFJDKSLFJDSKLFJDSKLFJDSKLFJ

 

* * *

 

[21:12]  **direct messages: Rena Rouge**

 

 **Rena Rouge:**  
hey real quick: i would 100% be down for doing a coming out interview.  
and by that i mean please god oh please let me be the reporter for your coming out interview

 

 **Ladybug:**  
hahaha  
its still a little bit up in the air, but if i do it, definitely!  
thanks so much, alya. you have so much information on us but you use it so wisely. i'm glad to be your teammate.

 

 **Rena Rouge:**  
fjdsklfjdsklfjsdlkfjdslkfjlkfdjsfldsfjkdslfjdslfdsklfsd  
wow i keysmashed i feel like queenie  
but thank you!!! i'm glad to be your teammate, too.

 

* * *

 

[21:16]  **group chat: gossip circle**

 

 **turtley radical:**  
hey ummmm doesn't rena rouge have a boyfriend?? wouldn't making out in the streets be morally incorrect?

 

 **for fox sake:**  
who knows, maybe he'll consent to it

 

 **turtley radical:**  
i have a feeling that he won't!!!!!

 

 **lesBEEan:**  
wow. you guys are so not subtle.  
ladybug, did you pick a couple on purpose? or did they become like that afterwards?

 

 **disaster bi:**  
hahahahahahahaa. no comment either way. that's too identity revealing.  
who knows, maybe they don't even know each other and this is part of their cover

 

 **turtley radical:**  
yeah lets go with that!

 

 **for fox sake:**  
you are not helping

 

 **lesBEEan:  
**also you would definitely know, lb  
you picked both of them, right?

 

 **disaster bi:**  
oui oui  
i'll let chat pick the next one, if there is one  
five is a pretty solid number though

 

 **lesBEEan:**  
what other miraculouses even are there?  
you and chat noir seem to know the most out of all of us....

 

 **disaster bi:**  
well there's a snake, i believe  
and a mouse. there are a few others that i couldn't really identify off of the top of my head, too  
i feel like the more superheroes we have, the harder it would be to coordinate all of us and we would get worse at fighting hawkmoth

 

 **turtley radical:**  
but on the other hand there would be so many of us that he would get worse at fighting us, too

 

 **disaster bi:**  
haha true!  
maybe one day we can just bestow every miraculous in existence upon everybody and just really bring chaos to paris

 

 **lesBEEan:**  
destruction, more like

 

 **the favorite:**  
you rang?

 

 **turtley radical:**  
ayyyeee that was really good timing

 

 **the favorite:**  
thank you. i /totally/ haven't already been here for like five minutes, that was just perfectly coincidental... wink wink.

 

 **for fox sake:  
**whats with the /

 

 **the favorite:**  
because you cant do italics

 

 **for fox sake:** _  
are you sure_

 

 **the favorite:**  
SHRIEKS?  
how?????

 

 **for fox sake:**  
thats for me to know  
and for you to find out

 

 **the favorite:**  
i hate you  
//test//  
\\\test\\\  
|test|

 

 **turtley radical:**  
bro! try the underscore!

 

 **the favorite:**  
thanks husband!  
TEST  
THATS NOT WHAT I MEANT TO DO

 

 **turtley radical:**  
YOU DID TOO MANY UNDERSCORES

 

 **the favorite:**  
FUCK.  
_FUCK  
_woooo i did it

 

 **for fox sake:  
**wow that was really embarrassing to witness

 

 **the favorite:  
**cringe culture is dead, rena

 

 **turtley radical:**  
yeah rena!

 

 **for fox sake:**  
so is your marriage

 

 **disaster bi:**  
aw, i didn't even get to go to the reception

 

* * *

 

[21:49]  **direct messages: Chat Noir**

 

 **Ladybug:**  
psssssssssssst

 

 **Chat Noir:**  
why are we whispering

 

 **Ladybug:  
**wanna vc???? [] [] []  
awwww discord doesnt support my ios 12 emojis

 

 **Chat Noir:**  
what emoji were you trying for i really need to paint the mental image of your message

 

 **Ladybug:**  
its the one with like. the tongue. and the two differently sized eyes that are going in different directions

 

 **Chat Noir:**  
i just had to hunt through my emojis to find which one u were talking about  
[] [] []  i know you cant see it but its the thought that counts  
also yeah sure give me five minutes? i'm just gonna grab a water 

 

 **Ladybug:**  
insert obligatory thirsty joke here

 

 **Chat Noir:**  
insert obligatory 'only for you' rebuttal here

 

 **Ladybug:**  
😊🙄

 

 **Chat Noir:**  
<3333333333333  
im ready when u are by the way  
are you tired from the fight?? because this is kinda earlier than usual  
not that it matters tbh im just curious

 

 **Ladybug:**  
nah i just figured we could talk a little longer today  
that ok?

 

 **Chat Noir:**  
hell yeah

 

[21:54]  **Call started.**

 

* * *

[22:09]  **group chat: gossip circle**

 

 **disaster bi:**  
you know what would be cute

 

 **turtley radical:**  
what

 

 **the favorite:**  
me

 

 **disaster bi:**  
we should have like group rabb.it sessions once a month or somethin and like  
clear off all our schedules one night a month so that we can just hang out  
team bonding! it would help us like get to know each other without being revealing

 

 **for fox sake:  
**im really surprised youre the one suggesting this actually  
i figured it would be carapace one of these days

 

 **turtley radical:**  
....... ok i probably would have, youre right  
so im glad ladybug is on board

 

 **disaster bi:**  
we should make ummmmmm a list for movies

 

 **for fox sake:**  
ladybug cant choose she'll make us watch twilight

 

 **disaster bi:**  
:(((((((((((((((((((((((((( no i wouldnt  
probably  
what would you guys want to watch

 

 **turtley radical:**  
LES INTOUCHABLES

 

 **disaster bi:**  
yeah sure i'm down  
chat is trying to get me to say 50 shades but im not up for the prank

 

 **the favorite:**  
wow ive been called OUT

 

 **turtley radical:**  
i would be jealous about the fact that u guys have secret bro voice calls each night except i'm pretty sure you guys are sickening  
plus i have my own goodnight calls

 

 **for fox sake:**  
lol literally  
how many puns does he drop an hour, lb

 

 **disaster bi:**  
depends on how tired he is  
roughly 8 per hour

 

 **lesBEEan:**  
wow thats like nine too many

 

 **the favorite:**  
your last name is literally a pun you cannot talk

 

 **lesBEEan:**  
my last name is just my last name?

 

 **the favorite:**  
okay BOURGEOIS!!!!!!!!!

 

 **lesBEEan:**  
thank you for repeating my name at me  
i had almost forgotten it

 

 **the favorite:**  
if i cant make puns you cant be sarcastic

 

 **lesBEEan:**  
literally NO ONE said you couldnt make puns

 

 **disaster bi:**  
this is really weird drama to witness

 

 **for fox sake:**  
well, we gotta get our teenage drama dose somewhere, right?  
this is better than all the he-said she-said that a bunch of my classmates deal with

 

 **disaster bi:**  
lol yeah looking back a few years ago all of the drama that i would get in was soo silly  
i didnt have the close friends that i do now (except one) so i was in some pretty bad groups for a minute or two

 

 **for fox sake:**  
oh thats relatable. i literally would run away from the person that i was two years ago

 

 **turtley radical:**  
i would run away from you Now

 

 **for fox sake:**  
thanks sweetie

 

* * *

 

[22:33]  **direct messages: Chat Noir**

 

 **Chat Noir:**  
are u seriously ignoring me  
i can hear u laughing

 

 **Ladybug:**  
who are you

 

 **Chat Noir:**  
omg  
look u make ONE slightly nsfw joke and all of a sudden youre a criminal

 

 **Ladybug:**  
idk what youre talking about who are you

 

 **Chat Noir:**  
>:(  
youre lucky that your laugh is so pretty

 

 **Ladybug:**  
are you trying to woo me, a complete stranger?

 

 **Chat Noir:**  
yes, complete stranger. i am trying to woo you  
i try to woo you all the time. is it working?

 

 **Ladybug:**  
i cant read suddenly i don't know

 

 **Chat Noir:**  
is it weird if i say that i can hear your smile through the headset

 

 **Ladybug:**  
nah, i can hear yours too  
stop smiling so loud  
some of us are trying to sleep

 

 **Chat Noir:**  
well goodnight, my sleeping stranger

 

 **Ladybug:**  
say it out loud

 

* * *

 

[23:19]  **Call ended.**

 


	4. its going down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **the favorite:**  
>  what's coming out tomorrow?????????
> 
>  **disaster bi:**  
>  me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> disaster bi: ladybug  
> turtley radical: carapace  
> for fox sake: rena rouge  
> lesBEEan: queen bee  
> the favorite: chat noir
> 
> sorry this took 1000 years

[12:29]  **group chat: gossip circle**

 

 **for fox sake:**  
Hey wait I just thought of something  
How come none of us have ever just like... followed the akuma once its purified  
It must lead somewhere, right?

 

 **disaster bi:**  
well, usually its because we're all on a time limit at that point due to using our special powers  
but since theres five of us now, its definitely worth a shot to try

 

 **for fox sake:**  
Well, the only power that's really necessary is Lucky Charm, right?  
Surely if we all go out together, at least one of us will end up not using their power

 

 **disaster bi:**  
its definitely a good idea! we can try for next time, but obviously no worries if it ends up not working  
with the amount of akumas that hawkmoth has been putting out lately, it looks like have no shortage of opportunities

 

 **turtley radical:**  
i wonder why hawkmoth is the way that he is  
who hurt him

 

 **for fox sake:**  
he probably dropped his ice cream 20 years ago and has never been the same

 

 **turtley radical:**  
nah, i bet he's been stealing candy from babies since HE was a baby  
some people are just born evil and you cant change that

 

 **disaster bi:**  
idk i dont know if anybody is incapable of change  
are some things unforgivable? of course. but i feel like nobody is doomed because of who they are when they're born

 

 **the favorite:**  
that's very poetic, bugaboo  
i bet his wife left him and he never learned basic coping strategies

 

 **turtley radical:**  
thats true...  
maybe if we make a gofundme to get hawkmoth a therapist everything will be better

 

 **lesBEEan:**  
he needs jail first.  
also, that is a  _very_ quick change from "some people are just born evil."

 

 **turtley radical:**  
ladybug just has a way with words!

 

 **for fox sake:**  
carapace, if you feel like joining our ladybug-crush groupchat, just let me know.

 

 **disaster bi:**  
hahaha that would be funny  
imagine if you guys ACTUALLY had one

 

 **turtley radical:  
**ummmmmmmm

 

 **lesBEEan:**  
Anyways.

 

 **the favorite:**  
well...

 

 **for fox sake:**  
yes! very funny!

 

 **disaster bi:**  
oooooooookay then

 

 **lesBEEan:**  
maybe there are more routes that we can be taking to find out who hawkmoth is.  
i know that akumatizations can happen really randomly, but there must be at least some hours that he works, right? or sleeps?

 

 **disaster bi:**  
hey, that's a great idea!  
if my memory serves, recently it's been from early morning to late afternoon, but it would be great to have stats to prove that.   
maybe we could at least cross out some specific careers or ages.

 

 **for fox sake:**  
so... hawkmoth is really old and goes to bed at 5pm?

 

 **disaster bi:**  
hey, dont diss a 5pm bedtime. sometimes i come home from school and just immediately sleep 18 hours.  
well... i used to. but then i became a superhero!

 

 **for fox sake:**  
once we can all tell each other who we are, we should totally just go get boba or something  
it would be nice to hang out in a non-dangerous setting for once

 

 **lesBEEan:**  
only if i get to pick the boba place  
there's only one place within a 10 mile radius thats up to my standards

 

 **for fox sake:**  
you know what, i was gonna make fun of you, but that's totally fair.  
a lot of boba places just don't hit the spot

 

 **the favorite:**  
hey i'm TARObly sorry to cut this conversation short but i'm on the street and i just heard someone mention an akuma in the latin quarter?  
i'm not close rn so cannot verify but can any of you confirm?

 

 **turtley radical:**  
was just about to message. i hear screaming.

 

 **disaster bi:**  
alright, i'll be there soon! good luck everyone

 

* * *

 

[14:12]  **group chat: gossip circle**

 

 **lesBEEan:**  
did everyone get home safe?

 

 **for fox sake:**  
i can't even make a joke about how you're worried about us for once because I'M too worried  
i saw ladybug off. pretty sure carapace made sure chat noir got headed home safe.

 

 **the favorite:**  
not that i needed it, mind you

 

 **turtley radical:**  
you got fucking SKEWERED, bro  
regardless of whether or not you needed it, i was gonna damn well walk the first few blocks with you

 

 **the favorite:**  
fair  
i want ladybug to come online

 

 **lesBEEan:**  
she's definitely going to yell at you  
so i hope she does it in the group chat, where i can watch

 

 **the favorite:**  
well fine. if she needs to be pissed, she can be pissed, but i wouldn't have done anything differently  
you'd all do the same. especially you two, rena and carapace

 

 **for fox sake:**  
well of course  
but if i did something as stupidly brave as you did today, i'd expect carapace to freak out at me

 

 **lesBEEan:**  
though of course the relationship between ladybug and chat noir is different than rena rouge and carapace  
right?

 

 **the favorite:**  
... right

 

 **for fox sake:**  
hey, just cause it's more platonic, doesn't mean it's less strong  
we're not the ones that ladybug has long goodnight calls with

 

 **the favorite:**  
that's fair enough  
hey, she's online! hey, lb

 

 **disaster bi:**  
Hi.

 

 **lesBEEan:**  
ooooh full punctuation  
you are in trouuble

 

 **the favorite:**  
aw come on, bugaboo, it was for the greater good!

 

* * *

 

[14:21]  **direct messages: Chat Noir**

 

 **Ladybug:**  
YOU.

 

 **Chat Noir:**  
me!

 

 **Ladybug:**  
wHAT WERE YOU THINKING!!  
YOU COULD HAVE DIED. YOU GOT SKEWERED. THROUGH THE CHEST!!! THAT'S WHERE YOUR HEART IS CHAT

 

 **Chat Noir:  
**yes, i'm aware that's where my heart is

 

 **Ladybug:**  
you can't do stuff like that!! do you have any idea how scared i was when you WEREN'T MOVING??? WHEN YOU MADE THAT STUPID PUN  
I THOUGHT YOUR LAST WORDS WERE GONNA BE A CAT JOKE  
I WAS TERRIFIED  
JUST BECAUSE YOU WERE CURED WHEN IT WAS OVER DOESN'T MEAN IT DIDN'T HAPPEN

 

 **Chat Noir:  
**i'm sorry that you were scared. i'm sorry that i made you scared. i wish i could say that i wouldn't do it again, but that's just not the lives we lead.  
you would have died for good. i just felt it then, in my bones, and i still feel it now. don't you?  
i just know that if i hadn't gotten in front of you, you would have died. no coming back. the cure doesn't work on you.  
it works on me. it was worth it. i knew the risks. i did it anyway. i would do it again.  
do you want to vc? i can prove to you that i still have all my fingers and toes.

 

 **Ladybug:  
**Yes but i am STILL MAD AT YOU

[14:26]  **Call started.**

 

 **Chat Noir:**  
LB???  
please don't cry lb  
i never know what to do when you cry

 

* * *

 

[14:30]  **group chat: gossip circle**

 

 **for fox sake:**  
well, they've been radio silent for ten minutes  
do you think she killed him over the phone?

 

 **lesBEEan:**  
Chat Noir found dead in Miami

 

 **for fox sake:**  
i'm not going to testify against her  
it will be a mystery

 

 **turtley radical:**  
you two are weird and morbid  
chat noir is my HUSBAND and i will NOT let his murder remain unsolved!  
plus, don't you think death jokes are a little too on the nose right now???

 

 **for fox sake:**  
oh you're probably right  
quick, let's change the subject! rainbows! dogs! restaurant recommendations!

 

 **turtley radical:**  
do you guys like big dogs or small dogs better

 

 **for fox sake:**  
big dogs

 

 **lesBEEan:**  
small dogs  
but all dogs are mangy. i'm a cat person.  
don't tell chat noir that. ever. he'll let it go to his stupid head.

 

 **for fox sake:**  
i am the opposite of surprised that you are a small dog person  
i want a really BIG BIG DOG but i don't think that will be possible till after i move out

 

 **turtley radical:**  
i feel like your boyfriend will be okay with this

 

 **lesBEEan:**  
why do you guys even PRETEND anymore

 

 **turtley radical:**  
it's about the CONCEPT. the DRAMA.

 

 **for fox sake:**  
also, hypothetically, we literally are not allowed to say anything that implicates us  
thats how you get fired from being a superhero!

 

 **turtley radical:**  
yeah, that too, but mainly for the drama

 

 **disaster bi:**  
i like both big dogs and small dogs but i am probably more of a big dog person. i am pretty short and i think the aesthetic of me in all of my 5'2 glory next to a HUGE dog is like, the best thing ever.  
i like cats too though. and hamsters! i really like hamsters.

 

 **the favorite:**  
i like hamsters too! and not for the reasons that a cat usually does

 

 **disaster bi:**  
PLEASE do not eat my hamsters!

 

 **lesBEEan:**  
oh look, you both survived the past ten minutes without getting into a fistfight  
congratulations. i guess.

 

 **turtley radical:**  
don't sound so disappointed, jeez.

 

 **disaster bi:**  
oh yeah, i won our fistfight  
i knocked him to the curb! all of paris was there! you guys missed it?

 

 **the favorite:**  
she's lying! if there HAD been a fistfight i would have at least put up a good fight  
also if all of paris had been there i'm pretty sure that it would be on the ladyblog by now. they always have the good details

 

 **for fox sake:**  
you're right! the ladyblog ALWAYS has the best scoop!!  
i've actually heard that something is coming out tomorrow :P

 

 **disaster bi:**  
yes you caught me  
i was, gasp, making a joke  
but for real, i feel like i could strike you down, kitty

 

 **the favorite:**  
undyne is quaaaakingggg  
what's coming out tomorrow?????????

 

 **disaster bi:**  
hahahahahaha  
me

 

 **the favorite:**  
oh really? congrats!

 

 **disaster bi:**  
thanks!  
figured it was about time  
i'm kinda nervous? kinda excited? it kind of breaks down the wall of keeping my professional and personal life completely separate  
but if it helps someone, it's worth it, you know

 

 **the favorite:**  
true  
hey what are you guys all doing right now

 

 **turtley radical:**  
nothing i can't stop

 

 **for fox sake:**  
same

 

 **the favorite:**  
want to have our first rabb.it night? in honor of our bi pioneer ladybug?  
i was gonna say BIoneer, but it just looked weird. the i looks like an L.

 

 **disaster bi:**  
yes! rabb.it sounds fun! you guys can pick the movie and i'll get out my knitting stuff

 

 **turtley radical:**  
knitting stuff??

 

 **disaster bi:**  
i am incapable of sitting still for 2-ish hours

 

 **turtley radical:**  
fair point.  
les intouchables?

 

 **lesBEEan:**  
ugh can't we watch something cultured

 

 **turtley radical:  
**les intouchables is the DEFINITION of culture. i'm putting it on unless someone else disagrees.

 

 **lesBEEan:**  
ugh. fine. but next time i choose the movie.

 

 **the favorite:**  
ladybug is too busy collecting yarn but she agrees

 

 **for fox sake:**  
are you two hanging out or something??

 

 **the favorite:**  
nah  
we're in a vc. which is where most of the scolding occurred.  
we should group vc though so we don't have to type during the movie

 

 **turtley radical:**  
yes! sounds great! count me in!!

 

 **for fox sake:**  
you guys can start without me i'll be ready in a minute

 

 **disaster bi:**  
ok im back

 

* * *

 

[14:54] **direct messages: Chat Noir**

 **Ladybug:**  
sorry but our one-on-one voice call is coming to an end  
i will see you on the other side

 

 **Chat Noir:**  
how will i ever move on with my life  
you're leading me to cry into carapace's arms, dramatically, for the duration of my future  
night voice call later tonight? i have to go out for a bit but i'll be back by our usual time

 

 **Ladybug:**  
of course! :)

[14:57]  **Call ended.**

 

* * *

 

[14:58]  **group chat: gossip circle**

 

 **disaster bi** has started a call.

 **Chat Noir** has joined the call.

 **for fox sake:**  
should i let you two have some time alone in there before i join, so you can get it out of your systems?

 

 **disaster bi:**  
what does that even MEAN!

 

 **turtley radical:**  
stop stealing my man ladybug

 **turtley radical** has joined the call.

 **for fox sake:**  
hey, chat noir, stop stealing my hypothetical man!

 **for fox sake** has joined the call.

 

 **lesBEEan:**  
you're all ridiculous! utterly ridiculous!

 

 **the favorite:**  
aw, come on, queenie, join us!

 

 **lesBEEan:**  
you are all so greatly annoying

 **lesBEEan** has joined the call.

 

 

[17:43]  **Call ended.**

 

* * *

 

[12:05]  **group chat: gossip circle**

 

 **for fox sake:**  
hey i just checked the ladyblog and look what was just posted!  
http://ladyblog.com/posts/19/mars/ladybug-reveals-all

 

 **disaster bi:**  
oh, it's up already? i'll have to give it a read

 

 **the favorite:**  
i already read it and i gotta say i LOVE IT.  
the flattery! it's beautiful!

 

 **lesBEEan:  
**ladybug what you said about role models and coming out is so true and aaa i'm so glad you get it

 

 **the favorite:**  
send it here i want to read that part again

 

 **lesBEEan** :  
"Ladybug hesitates before she answers, as if knowing that answering my question will change Paris' - and the world's - perception of her forever. She takes the plunge anyway. "I always say that I'm a superhero, not a celebrity, and I will always stand by that. However, I'm going to be in the spotlight whether I want to be or not, and with that, I become a role model. There were a lot of role models that I wish I had been able to look up to when I was younger. More girls, more people of color, and more people in the LGBT community. So, keeping that in mind, yes. I am aware of the theories about my orientation. And some of them are right. I'm bisexual.""

 

 **the favorite:**  
iconic

 

 **for fox sake:**  
thank you for actually saying the words  
so many people just leave it at 'i like who i like' and that's fine and all, but it's so refreshing seeing someone say the actual word 'bisexual'

 

 **disaster bi:**  
of course. it's important to me too  
i'm too scared to check the comments

 

 **lesBEEan:**  
it's a lot of keysmashes and positivity  
also you're trending on twitter

 

 **disaster bi:**  
wow  
its only been like ten minutes!

 

 **for fox sake:**  
the internet works fast  
this will probably grant you a few more opportunities. maybe some people who really make a difference will reach out to you

 

 **disaster bi:**  
maybe!  
not sure if i can fit all of that on my plate but i can certainly try

 

 **for fox sake:  
**just make sure you still have time for yourself

 

 **disaster bi:**  
true  
i'm running out of that as it is  
commissions... my other jobs.... school... ladybug...  
oh well! it's fine! i can handle it!

 

 **turtley radical:  
**operation 'take a nap, ladybug'

 

 **disaster bi:**  
i take naps!  
sometimes  
when i'm sick

 

 **for fox sake:**  
go take one RIGHT NOW

 

 **disaster bi:**  
it's a sunday afternoon!!!! barely afternoon!! it's like 12:15!!!

 

 **turtley radical:**  
SLEEP

 

 **for fox sake:**  
SLEEP

 

 **lesBEEan:**  
SLEEP

 

 **disaster bi:**  
I'M NOT EVEN TIRED  
Zzzzzz oh look i took a nap

 

 **turtley radical:**  
i see through your tricks, ladybug  
operation 'someone hook up ladybug to a lie detector'

 

 **disaster bi:**  
i'm honest! most of the time! excluding identity related stuff.  
though i used to lie a lot out of panic so if you did that to the person i was a year ago i'd just straight up combust

 

 **turtley radical:**  
and you don't anymore?

 

 **disaster bi:**  
no  
most of the panic was related to the crush i mentioned a few weeks ago? when i stopped thinking he was flawless, i stopped caring if he thought i was, too

 

 **for fox sake:**  
are you still diggin' him or can i steal you

 

 **turtley radical:**  
hey!

 

 **lesBEEan:**  
hey!!!

 

 **disaster bi:  
**he's a good friend. an attractive friend, definitely  
i don't know.  
do you ever get the feeling that you're missing something that's always been there?  
like you've been walking around without glasses this whole time and then you finally get some and everything becomes more clear?

 

 **for fox sake:**  
ooh la la  
what, fall in love with your best friend or something?

 

 **disaster bi:**  
hahahahahahahhahahahahhahahahahhahahahahahha  
hahahahahahahahahahhahahah  
hahahahaha.  
haha.  
ha.  
oh shit.

 

* * *

 

 

[12:37] **direct messages: Rena Rouge**

 

 **Rena Rouge:**  
CHAT NOIR??? CHAT NOIR?????  
cHAT NOIR????

 

 **Ladybug:**  
WHAT  
NO  
I DONT KNOW

 

 **Rena Rouge:**  
YOURE IN LOVE WITH CHAT NOIR

 

 **Ladybug:**  
NO1! I'M NOT. I'M REALLY NOT.  
i just think he's funny and he takes my mind off of things sometimes. and he cares about me. and he's not afraid to care about me.  
sure he's cute and sweet and kinda pretty but that does NOT mean i'm in love with him! i just notice all of these things as a friend.  
though obviously i platonically love him because he has been my best friend for like, forever.  
plus, even if i DID have feelings for him, they wouldn't be anywhere close to romantic love yet. just... a dabbling of a crush. a small twinge in the heart.  
but of course that's all hypothetical!

 

 **Rena Rouge:**  
oh my GOD AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO KNOWS THAT YOU'RE IN LOVE WITH CHAT NOIR?  
WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO TELL HIM?

 

 **Ladybug:**  
STOP STOP STOP  
i'M NOT. EVER. THIS DIES WITH US.

 

 **Rena Rouge:**  
oh gosh i'm so glad he went offline like twenty minutes ago  
i don't know if i could be quiet

 

 **Ladybug:  
**you have to be!!! permanently!

 

 **Rena Rouge:**  
buy my silence  
for 800 a month i will stop

 

 **Ladybug:**  
:/  
hypothetically, if i did have feelings. i would wait until after hawkmoth was defeated. and we all revealed our identities.  
because i understand that realistically, i act very different as ladybug and that not be his style. so i would wait to see what happens with that first.  
that's it. that's all.  
end of story, okay? can we stop talking about this!!

 

 **Rena Rouge:**  
........ okay.  
GOD, i wish i could rub this in marinette's face!! she always gets so annoyed when i say ladynoir is real!

 

 **Ladybug:**  
WELL SHE'S RIGHT  
IT'S NOT REAL  
AND YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT

 

 **Rena Rouge:**  
oh my GODDDD

 

 **Ladybug:**  
this day is too much for me  
you cannot tell your boyfriend, either  
or i'll bench you! for a week!!!

 

 **Rena Rouge:**  
that CANNOT be ethical

 

 **Ladybug:**  
it isn't!! that's how serious i am!!

 

 **Rena Rouge:**  
hahahaha, okay. you remind me of marinette right now  
you'd probably like her

 

 **Ladybug:**  
she's the hot girl you hang out with right

 

 **Rena Rouge:**  
i'm telling her you think she's hot

 

 **Ladybug:**  
please do


	5. still ain't found him yet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **disaster bi:**  
>  your puppy eyes won't work on me, criminal scum

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the 'angst' part of the 'crack and angst' tag hasn't been dealt with lately sooo here u go
> 
> the twitter link goes to an image btw

**Carapace  
**ONLINE

 

 **Rena Rouge**  
ONLINE

 

 **Queen Bee**  
last seen 3 MINUTES AGO

 

 **Ladybug** [admin] **  
** last seen 9 HOURS AGO

 

 **Chat Noir** [admin]  
last seen 10 DAYS AGO

 

* * *

 

[19:23]  **group chat: gossip circle**

 

 **for fox sake:**  
i checked all of the 16th arr. today  
no luck  
what about you?

 

 **turtley radical:**  
no luck in the 15th or 14th either  
i'm getting pretty concerned.

 

 **lesBEEan:**  
we're probably all just overreacting  
last minute vacations come up all the time, right?

 

 **for fox sake:**  
well, maybe, but we'd probably get some warning! at least a message!  
especially since there's been over 3 akuma attacks and it's just been the four of us.  
i'm supposed to be good at investigating! why do i keep coming up short?

 

 **lesBEEan:**  
why are you supposed to be good at investigating?  
what, are you a detective or something?

 

 **for fox sake:**  
no, but i'm a SUPERHERO, isn't that supposed to count for something?  
chat noir is MISSING and there's nothing any of us can do! what if he's hurt? what if hawkmoth got him?

 

 **lesBEEan:**  
ugh, calm down  
it won't do ladybug any good to see you freaking out.  
she's freaking out too.

 

 **for fox sake:**  
shit, you're right  
i can tell this is wearing on her pretty bad

 

 **turtley radical:**  
i ran into her in the 15th arr.  
and when i was searching in the 8th the other day

 

 **for fox sake:**  
i ran into her tonight too  
her family must be worried about her and they have no clue why

 

 **lesBEEan:**  
everything will be fine  
his family probably just surprised him with a vacation to england or america or something.  
he's probably just too busy to talk, or doesn't have service

 

 **disaster bi:**  
no.  
no his family isn't like that.  
from what i've heard.

 

 **for fox sake:**  
hey lb  
you get home ok?

 

 **disaster bi:**  
i'm still out  
just detransformed for a minute so my kwami can recharge  
i just need to know something, anything, before i go back home

 

 **turtley radical:**  
LB, you've been out for hours. did you even go to school today?

 

 **disaster bi:**  
yes!  
well, no.  
but i got there. and i showed up. and then i couldn't do it so i faked sick

 

 **lesBEEan:**  
where are you, ladybug? i'll come keep you company once you transform back.  
i'm not doing anything right now anyway.

 

 **disaster bi:**  
i'm at the eiffel tower  
i thought that maybe....  
i don't know. i don't know what i thought.

 

 **turtley radical:**  
hey, i have an idea  
maybe this is something that should be well-known, that he's missing.  
maybe we should submit something to the ladyblog, or something. doesn't chat keep a close eye on it?

 

 **for fox sake:**  
yeah! that's a good idea

 

 **disaster bi:**  
yeah, i mean, we can try  
i just don't know if it will do more harm than good if we let the whole city know we're looking for him  
maybe we post something but keep it vague?

 

 **lesBEEan:**  
that could work.

 

 **disaster bi:**  
let's wait another day. maybe you're right. maybe this is just a misunderstanding.

 

 **for fox sake:**  
i'm sure he's okay

 

 **disaster bi:**  
me too  
queenie, if you still want to come, i'm transformed now

 

 **lesBEEan:**  
On my way!

 

* * *

 

[23:59]  **direct messages: Chat Noir**

 

 **Ladybug:**  
i just wish i knew if you were alright  
i just want you to come back and tell me i'm overreacting and that you were just taking a catnap, or some stupid pun like that  
i just got so used to our routine, you know?  
i liked having your voice be the last thing before i went to bed. i liked our voice calls and texts and everything.  
i'm scared we'll never get that again  
i hope i'm overreacting. but if i'm overreacting, why is tikki so quiet, too?  
can i tell you a secret, kitty?  
i don't know how to sleep in the silence anymore. it feels so empty.

 

[00:42]  **Delete 8 messages?  
**[ **Yes** /No]

 

* * *

 

[12:01]  **group chat: gossip circle**

 

 **disaster bi:**  
okay. i'm open to the ladyblog submission.  
what do we even say without letting paris - and therefore hawkmoth - know that chat is missing and possibly in danger?

 

 **for fox sake:**  
hmm  
maybe just a blunt request for him to meet you somewhere. like "Chat Noir - meet me at the Arc de Triomphe at midnight."

 

 **lesBEEan:**  
then 10000 parisians would show up, too.  
with cameras. wanting photo ops.

 

 **for fox sake:**  
true  
do you have any usual meetup spots, lb?  
one that he'd know about without you having to say the name of

 

 **disaster bi:**  
yeah. i know one.  
we met up on a rooftop the night we fought glaciator.  
is that vague enough?

 

 **for fox sake:**  
should be good, unless anyone got a picture of you that night and has evidence that's where you were

 

 **disaster bi:**  
not that i'm aware, no

 

 **for fox sake:**  
then that should be fine  
if you're in class i can submit it - i have access to a computer

 

 **disaster bi:**  
that's okay i can do it on my phone  
hopefully alya cesaire isn't too busy rn and can post it asap. it's kind of short notice for chat but i'm running out of ideas.

 

 **for fox sake:**  
reporters are never off the clock

 

 **disaster bi:**  
haha  
fair point  
oh look, i just got a notification seeing my submission has been posted  
alright well. guess i'm having a late night tonight  
i'll bring hot chocolate or something, in case he shows up.  
he probably needs a good cup of hot chocolate.

 

 **lesBEEan:**  
Do you need us to come with you tonight?  
i'd happily offer my assistance

 

 **disaster bi:**  
i appreciate the offer but i don't think it's wise  
in case he's not necessarily in physical danger, but just going through a hard time emotionally. or something along those lines.

 

 **lesBEEan:**  
of course.  
well, if you need me - or any of the others, I guess - you know where we'll be.

 

 **disaster bi:**  
thanks, queenie

 

 **lesBEEan:**  
of course

 

* * *

 

 

 [24:39]  **group chat: gossip circle**

 

 **disaster bi:**  
i got here pretty early  
guess i couldn't wait

 

 **turtley radical:**  
i'll chat with you till he comes

 

 **disaster bi:**  
if he even shows up at all

 

 **turtley radical:**  
i think that, if he saw the post, he'd definitely come  
it's just a question of whether or not he saw it

 

 **for fox sake:**  
and he basically lives and breathes the ladyblog!  
so i'm sure he saw it, unless he doesn't have wi-fi at all

 

 **disaster bi:**  
that's fair  
i'm sure we'll have a big laugh about this when he gets back  
"ladybug, i went out of town not even for two weeks and you flipped shit!"  
he'll make it into some big romantic gesture - tease me into saying that i've 'fallen for the alley cat' or whatever  
hahaha  
.....  
right?

 

 **for fox sake:**  
it's very likely  
and if it's more serious than that, then we'll deal with it

 

 **disaster bi:**  
right.  
of course  
sorry. i'm supposed to be the leader of this team and i'm not doing a very good job of it lately  
sometimes i feel as though you guys lead me around

 

 **turtley radical:**  
who cares about who leads who?  
we're all a team. we're all friends. you call the shots because we trust you to lead us in the right direction  
and we'll take care of it when you're not at 100%  
that's just what friends do

 

 **disaster bi:**  
thanks, carapace  
it means a lot!

 

 **lesBEEan:**  
I feel as though I should inform you  
#ChatAnswerLadybugsBootyCall is trending on twitter

 

 **disaster bi:**  
WHAT  
THATS NOT  
THATS NOT WHAT THIS ISSS  
SOMEONES GOTTA TELL THEM THAT THIS ISN'T WHAT THIS IS

 

 **for fox sake:  
**ASJFHKLS IT IS?

 

 **lesBEEan:**  
Are you implying i'm a liar?

 

 **for fox sake:  
**NO THIS IS JUST GOLD  
HAHAHAHA LOOK AT THIS TWEET:  
[www.twitter.com/charismaticchat/status/0987654321](https://imgur.com/a/DXRvJmB)

 

 **disaster bi:**  
NOOOOOOO  
CHAT WILL NEVER LET ME LIVE THIS DOWN

 

 **turtley radical:**  
haha that one was funny i retweeted it

 

 **disaster bi:**  
HEY  
WTF CARAPACE

 

 **turtley radical:**  
you gotta admit its funny

 

 **lesBEEan:  
**maybe ladybug just doesn't share your gross sense of humor

 

 **disaster bi:**  
.... well, i guess maybe it's a little funny  
i will laugh about it with chat. if he gets here.

 

 **for fox sake:**  
he'll come. it's still not midnight for another minute or two, so it's not as though he's late

 

 **disaster bi:**  
true  
how long should i wait??  
who am i kidding. we all know i'll be here till morning if i have to be

 

 **lesBEEan**  
if he's not there by two, just go home. it's a school night, after all  
we can always try to find that mangy cat tomorrow.

 

 **for fox sake:**  
don't you think it's a little bit bitchy to call chat 'mangy' when he's literally missing?

 

 **lesBEEan:**  
i'd say it to his face on a good day and we both know it

 

 **disaster bi:**  
hey, that's just how queenie shows her affection  
unorthodox, but well-meant  
okay. it's officially midnight now. so... technically, he should be here any second, right?  
.... he's not here.

 

 **lesBEEan:**  
it's been 20 seconds since midnight. you'll have to give him a little more time than that.

 

 **disaster bi:**  
alright, alright.  
i was gonna wait to drink my hot chocolate till chat was here to drink his, but i need something to do besides twiddle my thumbs  
hey, this batch came out pretty good. i'm a hot chocolate legend, i suppose.

 

 **for fox sake:**  
my best friend makes God Tier hot chocolate from scratch.  
she also comes with like, fresh french press coffee to school every day, while us plebs sit around with our k-cup coffee  
not that she's a snob about it or anything

 

 **turtley radical:**  
what if people find out your identity through your coffee-snob best friend?

 

 **for fox sake:**  
oh, as if you don't already know her.  
and i'm sure chloe hangs out with 10000s of coffee snobs.  
hey, did i tell you that ladybug thinks that the friend i'm talking about's hot?

 

 **turtley radical:**  
no way, really?  
rena and i can totally set the two of you up! she was pretty into someone else for a while but i think she's over it now  
you would make cute babies

 

 **lesBEEan:**  
in what ungodly conversation did ladybug know enough about your friend to call her hot?

 

 **disaster bi:**  
haha it just came up  
but no thanks. i'm good. can't really have a relationship with somebody as Ladybug, instead of just my civilian self.  
would be a mess for everybody involved

 

 **turtley radical:**  
well you know  
except for chat noir, who you apparently have booty called for all of paris to see  
man, ladybug, my own husband!!

 

 **disaster bi:**  
I DID NOT

 

 **for fox sake:**  
Is that what all of those late night calls were?  
haha, wow, and i thought you two were just roasting the shit out of us!

 

 **disaster bi:**  
NO  
STOP  
QUEENIE BACK ME UP HERE

 

 **lesBEEan:**  
ladybug would never. she's too good for him.

 

 **for fox sake:**  
Well, i don't know about that!

 

 **lesBEEan:**  
are you implying she ISN'T?

 

 **for fox sake:**  
well ladybug herself has some Interesting thoughts on the matter, don't you?

 

 **disaster bi:**  
stop it!  
im taking trixx for the week

 

 **for fox sake:**  
:(

 

 **disaster bi:**  
your puppy eyes won't work on me, criminal scum

 

 **for fox sake:**  
:(

 

 **disaster bi:**  
fine  
keep your kwami  
for now

 

 **turtley radical:**  
ladybug, you're a fucking savage

 

 **disaster bi:**  
i do what needs to be done  
also, in case it wasn't clear! i was joking! complete joke! please don't think i'm the type to steal kwamis for no just reason!

 

 **turtley radical:**  
i figured  
but still  
Savage

 

 **lesBEEan:**  
I am partially interested in what rena rouge was going to imply  
but on the other hand, I'm not certain I want to know

 

 **for fox sake:**  
ladybug and i had a juicy conversation

 

 **disaster bi:**  
yeah sure but that whole conversation leaves a bad taste in my mouth now  
chat had been offline for 20 minutes. what if he'd already been hurt and we were just gossiping?

 

 **for fox sake:**  
oh  
now i feel kinda bad

 

 **lesBEEan:**  
well, if there's gossip i simply HAVE to hear it  
... unless that would be in bad taste, i guess.

 

 **for fox sake:**  
i notice that you are making an effort and it is appreciated.  
but it's up to ladybug

 

 **disaster bi:**  
rena say whatever you want, its fine  
but not in this chat! it won't be just the 4 of us forever

 

 **lesBEEan:**  
DM me, fox girl

 

 **for fox sake:**  
alright BEEtch

 

 **disaster bi:**  
...  
guess you and i are the odd ones out, carapace

 

 **turtley radical:**  
i'm used to being left behind so rena can have her girl talk  
not used to it being with chloe, though  
er, queen bee, i mean.

 

 **disaster bi:**  
well then we'll just have to have our OWN GIRL TALK  
hows your job going? retail, right?

 

 **turtley radical:**  
yeah  
i fuckin HATE IT  
i almost put in my two weeks every time i go in for a shift  
i'm seriously considering it so that i can focus on my other project that i want to turn into a career

 

 **disaster bi:**  
i mean, if you can do that financially, you totally should  
don't let your dreams be dreams!

 

 **turtley radical:**  
how about you? you still working a hundred different jobs?

 

 **disaster bi:**  
well, yeah  
but a few of them are kind of like what you said - projects that could be turned into careers  
so it's still hard work, definitely, but worth it in the end.

 

 **turtley radical:**  
i totally understand that bro  
here's to us and our passion projects

 

 **disaster bi:**  
yes, here's to us!

 

 **lesBEEan:**  
I have been briefed on the situation  
and wish I had not been.

 

 **for fox sake:**  
Your disgust to such a wonderful development is bizarre  
Any updates, LB?

 

 **disaster bi:**  
nope. it's.... too late for him to be fashionably late, i think.  
so, at this point, either someone held him up, or....

 

 **turtley radical:**  
let me make some coffee.  
looks like we're having a late group chat night, full of gossip and friendship!  
who wants to braid my hair?

 

 **for fox sake:**  
ooh! me! me!

 

* * *

 

[00:41]  **direct messages: Chat Noir**

[00:41]  **Call started.**

[00:41]  **Call ended.**

 **Ladybug:**  
just pick up  
you don't even have to tell me anything, or even say anything at all.  
just pick up

 

[00:42]  **Call started.**

[00:42]  **Call ended.**

 

 **Ladybug:**  
please

 

* * *

 

[02:01]  **group chat: gossip circle**

 **disaster bi:**  
okay.   
guess there's no point in waiting an extra few minutes, huh?

 

 **for fox sake:**  
i'm sorry, lb  
i really thought he'd show up

 

 **disaster bi:**  
me too.

 

 **turtley radical:**  
get home safe, okay?

 

 **disaster bi:**  
will do.

 

* * *

 

[02:01]  **direct messages: Chat Noir**

 **Ladybug:**  
_[Attachment: A dark picture of a closed thermos, placed upon concrete.]  
_I left this here for you, in case you need it. Or want it.  
you'll have to heat it up but.  
it's there.  
goodnight, kitty.

 

* * *

 

[07:32]  **group chat: gossip circle**

 

 **disaster bi:**  
IT'S GONE  
IT'S GONE  
THE THERMOS  
ITS GONE

 

 **lesBEEan:**  
what thermos?

 

 **disaster bi:**  
LAST NIGHT  
I MADE CHAT HOT CHOCOLATE  
I PUT IT IN A THERMOS AND I LEFT IT THERE FOR HIM WHEN I LEFT  
I WOKE UP AND AND  
WENT TO CHECK ON IT ON MY WAY TO SCHOOL  
ITS GONE  
I KNOW HE HASNT BEEN ONLINE IN 12 DAYS SO HE COULDNT HAVE KNOWN FROM THE MESSAGE I SENT HIM  
BUT BUT  
THAT MEANS HE SAW THE LADYBLOG? AND DIDNT SHOW UP ANYWAY?

 

 **lesBEEan:**  
Ladybug.  
What are five things you can see right now?

 

 **disaster bi:**  
What??

 

 **lesBEEan:**  
five things you can see right now. as vague as you want.

 

 **disaster bi:**  
a street lamp.  
a lady with a dog.  
a black sedan.  
the entrance to a convenience store.  
chalk on the sidewalk.

 

 **lesBEEan:**  
Good.  
Do you need to do other senses, too?

 

 **disaster bi:**  
no i think i'm okay  
i wasn't like, full blown having one, but it was close. so thanks. for knowing what to do.

 

 **lesBEEan:**  
it's fine. i used to get them a lot.  
the 5-4-3-2-1 strategy with the 5 senses used to work for me a lot.   
in case you get one again.

 

 **disaster bi:**  
thanks. i appreciate it  
i just don't understand why the thermos is not there.

 

 **lesBEEan:**  
could it have blown away in the wind? or is the rooftop in a location where someone else could have gotten to it?

 

 **disaster bi:  
**i guess it could have blown away in the wind, but i'd be pretty surprised if it made it very far. it was pretty dead center.  
i don't see an entrance from the rest of the building, so i don't think so? but maybe i'm just not seeing one?

 

 **lesBEEan:**  
there are other explanations, then.

 

 **disaster bi:**  
okay yeah  
you're right  
guess i should just get to class now. before i'm late.

 

 **lesBEEan:  
**good idea  
hope your day gets better, lb.

 

 **disaster bi:**  
thanks  
You too :)

 

* * *

 

[12:00]  **group chat: gossip circle**

 

 **for fox sake:**  
okay i just got on lunch break  
sorry that happened this morning lb, i'm sure there's a reasonable explanation  
and, if it IS chat, that means he's okay

 

 **turtley radical:**  
yeah!  
and maybe it just means that, if he Did see the post, he just couldn't show up. maybe he came as soon as he could, even if it wasn't on time.  
i'm sure he wouldn't not show up on purpose.

 

 **disaster bi:**  
okay yeah. that makes sense.  
sorry you guys had to witness my freakout!

 

 **for fox sake:**  
dude  
your best friend/partner in crime is 12 days missing. you're allowed to freak out.  
i have no clue what i'd do if my best friend went missing.

 

 **disaster bi:**  
yeah. you're right.  
thanks guys.  
what are you guys doing in school today?

 

 **for fox sake:**  
ugh.  
physics test next period. i'm dying a horrible death that nobody can save me from.  
and the only friend i have who actually knows what's going on in that class isn't currently available  
so looks like i'm gonna have to fail and pray that it gets graded on a curve

 

 **turtley radical:**  
well if they do grade it on a curve  
i'll be the bad grade that pushes you into the passing range

 

 **for fox sake:**  
thank you for your service  
your sacrifice has been noted  
unless ladybug wants to swing by and rescue us from science hell

 

 **disaster bi:**  
i would if i could, trust me!  
but i got thrown into the library because i missed so much school the last few days  
and now i gotta play catch up for my next few class periods

 

 **lesBEEan:**  
Ugh, losers, looks like I'm the only one who studies in school  
I guess I'll offer my services as a last minute tutor, if you have the brains to sacrifice the rest of your lunch break for a good grade.

 

 **for fox sake:**  
um, no thanks. how would that even work?

 

 **lesBEEan:**  
A voice call, obviously. i don't do house calls.  
Or school calls, evidently. I don't want to get my shoes dirty.

 

 **for fox sake:**  
and i don't want to be insulted every time i get a question incorrect!

 

 **turtley radical:**  
dude, YES, I ACCEPT, YES PLEASE. THANK YOU

 

 **disaster bi:**  
i think it would be good for you guys! team bonding!

 

 **for fox sake:  
**..... ok fine.

 

 **turtley radical:**  
i'll start the call in five! i just need to get to a quiet space!

 

 **for fox sake:**  
i'll just come with you so we can work on it together  
usual spot? 

 

 **turtley radical:**  
sure.  
wait  
woah woah guys. wait. check the online list.

 

 **for fox sake:**  
WOAH

 

* * *

 

 **Carapace  
**ONLINE

 

 **Rena Rouge**  
ONLINE

 

 **Queen Bee**  
ONLINE

 

 **Ladybug** [admin] **  
** ONLINE

 

 **Chat Noir** [admin]  
ONLINE

 

* * *

 

[12:26]  **group chat: gossip circle**

 

 **disaster bi:**  
@the favorite kitty??  
are you really online right now

 

 **the favorite:**  
patrol meeting spot. 20 minutes.  
leave school.

 

 **disaster bi:**  
okay. why?

 

 **the favorite:  
**i know who Hawkmoth is.

 


	6. obituaries and police logs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **disaster bi:**  
>  great  
> then let's finish this

[14:31]  **group chat: gossip circle**

 

 **disaster bi:**  
whatever happens today, you guys should know that i am so crazy proud of you  
like!! we're just a bunch of teenagers with too many responsibilities, and we teamed up to be the exact thing that paris needed!  
and this is probably going to be the scariest fight we've had so far. i'm aware of that  
but i know that we can do it. and i know you'll all fight as hard as you can to make it happen.  
is everyone in position?

 

 **for fox sake:**  
yes

 

 **lesBEEan:**  
Affirmative

 

 **turtley radical:**  
Chat and I are good to go

 

 **disaster bi:**  
great  
then let's finish this

 

* * *

 

[15:09]  **group chat: gossip circle**

 

 **turtley radical:**  
spotted him moving towards les invalides, let's meet there  
be warned. looks like he's got around a dozen akumas protecting him  
gorizilla, rogercop, stoneheart, etc  
think he's mass producing as we speak

 

 **disaster bi:**  
on my way  
don't engage till i get there

 

 **turtley radical:**  
copy that

 

* * *

 

[16:43]  **group chat: gossip circle**

 

 **for fox sake:**  
i'm stuck. sending my location now.  
whenever anyone has a second it'd be great if you could help me get out.

 

 **turtley radical:**  
chat says that he's got this handled  
he and i will split up so i can get you  
stay safe in the meantime

 

 **for fox sake:**  
only for you

 

* * *

 

[17:10]  **group chat: gossip circle**

 

 **turtley radical:**  
can't talk - silencer got me  
if i have any info for you guys i'll say it here

 

 **disaster bi:**  
good to know

 

* * *

 

[17:44] **group chat: gossip circle**

 **turtley radical:**  
syren is here. she's going to drown us all  
keeping her happy so she doesn't cry but i think she's important enough to take care of rn

 

 **disaster bi:**  
omw

 

* * *

 

 

[18:03]  **group chat: gossip circle**

 

 **turtley radical:**  
rena got hit by dark cupid  
she's trying to hunt me down so might end up out of commission

 

 **disaster bi:**  
kiss her  
it'll reverse it  
just don't let her hurt you.

 

 **turtley radical:**  
don't have to tell me twice  
even though kissing somebody who is currently trying to put my head on a stick is kinda terrifying  
especially because i cannot verbally placate her  
here goes nothing!

 

 **the favorite:**  
give her the kiss of a lifetime

 

* * *

 

[18:37]  **group chat:** **gossip circle**

 

 **disaster bi:**  
Recharging my kwami in the hotel near the agreste mansion  
i've got extra cookies in case any of you need to recharge as well

 

 **lesBEEan:**  
I'll take you up on that.   
Leave them somewhere so you can go back to the fight. I'll run by and grab them

 

 **disaster bi:**  
they're above the ceiling tile in the third stall to the right. first floor bathroom

 

 **for fox sake:**  
I've recharged 3 times  
this is going on forever

 

 **the favorite:  
**good to see you're back to normal

 

 **for fox sake:**  
thanks  
didn't really want to murder my boyfriend today

 

 **turtley radical:**  
can we even beat hawkmoth, at this point?  
i ran out of food for my kwami an hour ago, so the next time i use my power, i'm screwed

 

 **disaster bi:**  
yes.  
you can't think like that carapace. this is exhausting. i know it is.  
but we just gotta keep at it.  
we've already made a huge dent in his forces. we can do this.  
my kwami's ready to go. where is agreste now?

 

 **the favorite:**  
He's in his mansion.  
looks like this is where it all ends  
how fitting

 

 **disaster bi:**  
alright then.  
let's get him.

 

* * *

 

[20:52]  **group chat: gossip circle**

 **lesBEEan:**  
Did everyone make it home safe?

 

 **for fox sake:**  
yeah i'm good  
are you still at the mansion?

 

 **lesBEEan:**  
yes  
i'm going to stay here until the cops leave so that i can take adrien home  
i don't trust his dad's assistant to take good care of him

 

 **for fox sake:**  
yeah, fair point.  
ladybug? carapace? chat?

 

 **turtley radical:**  
i still have all of my limbs  
pretty fucking shaken up, though

 

 **for fox sake:**  
tell me about it  
i've never fought like that.  
never thought i'd have to fight gabriel agreste, either.

 

 **disaster bi:**  
me neither.  
i'm home safe, by the way.

 

 **for fox sake:**  
injured?

 

 **disaster bi:**  
nothing major  
bruises. but nothing hurts too bad.  
it's good of you to stay with adrien, queenie. let me know how he is.

 

 **lesBEEan:**  
Sure  
He's my friend, you know. one of my first.  
I'll keep a good eye on him for as long as he needs it.

 

 **for fox sake:**  
you're not the same person you used to be  
good for you. i mean that genuinely

 

 **lesBEEan:**  
You're right  
I'm not. I'm glad that I'm not.  
Has anyone talked to the mangy cat?

 

 **disaster bi:**  
not since i saw him duck out, but he said about an hour ago that his phone is dead  
so i wouldn't be surprised if he just hasn't charged it yet  
especially if he's like me and wants to have a few quiet moments

 

 **turtley radical:**  
is it just me, or did you guys think that this was going to feel better than it does?  
like, look, since we're going to reveal our identities soon anyway (unless something has changed, i guess) i fucking HATED the guy. i've complained about him more than i can even count  
but this just feels so incorrect. and bad.  
don't get me wrong. we did the right thing. i have no regrets.  
but i guess i never thought about how much hurt there'd be

 

 **disaster bi:**  
i know what you mean  
i mean, i'd thought about hawkmoth being gabriel agreste before?  
but then the collector happened and i just dismissed it  
as someone who's into fashion, i admired him, and he's been terrorizing us for years.

 

 **turtley radical:**  
i guess i just can't get over the fact that i put my friend's father in chains, and that it was the right thing to do

 

 **for fox sake:**  
this sucks

 

 **lesBEEan:**  
Yes, it does  
it really does

 

 **the favorite:**  
aaaand I'm back online! phone is officially charged

 

 **disaster bi:**  
glad to see you're okay!

 

 **the favorite:**  
and I'M glad to see that you missed me

 

 **disaster bi:**  
:P  
you okay?? no cat scratches?

 

 **the favorite:**  
wow, you must really be worried about me if you're making puns

 

 **disaster bi:**  
well. DUH.  
you DISAPPEARED and we haven't had the chance to talk about it since you came back!

 

 **the favorite:**  
er, yes, that!  
that thing!  
well  
oh look, my phone's at 1%, bye!

 

 **turtley radical:**  
bye!

 

 **for fox sake:**  
his phone's not ACTUALLY at 1%  
probably

 

 **turtley radical:**  
haha i know  
but he's still leaving, so i still said bye!

 

 **for fox sake:**  
you're too good for this world

 

 **disaster bi:**  
yeah, but i'm NOT  
and i'm gonna grill him like a STEAK

 

 **lesBEEan:**  
kick his ass

 

 **turtley radical:**  
no!

 

* * *

 

[21:18]  **direct messages: Chat Noir**

 

 **Ladybug:**  
get BACK HERE  
i know your phone isn't dead  
i'll blow up your phone until you come back online  
i'm not messing around!  
Chat!  
Answer  
Respond  
Answer  
Respond  
Answer  
Respond  
I will annoy you for the next fucking hour don't test me  
ANSWER  
RESPOND

 

 **Chat Noir:**  
well... guess the cat's out of the bag?

 

 **Ladybug:**  
UGH  
don't run away. don't turn your phone off. let me talk to you!

 

 **Chat Noir:**  
I am

 

 **Ladybug:**  
did you get threatened? hurt? kidnapped?? arrested?? MAULED??? MURDERED???

 

 **Chat Noir:**  
what? no, of course not!  
i promise, i was fine the whole time. i'm fine right now.  
i'm texting you right now, aren't i!

 

 **Ladybug:**  
THEN WHY  
PRAY TELL  
DID YOU DISAPPEAR FOR TWO WEEKS  
Look  
if you needed a break from the team - from me - then that's fine. i get it. it's a lot to handle.  
but we're a TEAM. that means we communicate! that's what this group chat is FOR, and you left without a word  
and we put ourselves in danger every day! we are the 2 main people that hawkmoth wants to TAKE DOWN, and you LEFT WITHOUT A WORD  
and now you have the ARROGANCE TO TELL ME THAT 'OF COURSE' YOU WERE FINE

 

 **Chat Noir:  
**please calm down

 

 **Ladybug:**  
NO  
YOU HAD ME LOOKING UP OBITUARIES AND POLICE LOGS  
I WILL NOT CALM DOWN

 

 **Chat Noir:**  
ladybug

 

 **Ladybug:**  
I WAS TERRIFIED  
AND  
AND  
AND i'm so MAD  
Because i was so scared, and you didn't even THINK to tell me you were going away

 

 **Chat Noir:**  
it's not like that!

 

 **Ladybug:**  
Oh yeah? Then what's it like?

 

 **Chat Noir:**  
I can't tell you

 

 **Ladybug:**  
OH  
REALLY  
THATS REALLY FUCKING FUNNY, ISN'T IT?

 

 **Chat Noir:**  
JESUS CHRIST  
FINE  
IT'S BECAUSE I KNEW HIM  
I knew him  
okay?  
Hawkmoth  
Gabriel Agreste  
i knew him really really well and he's hawkmoth  
And I .... looked up to him. I really did. And he's a terrorist.  
The very same terrorist that tries to kill us three times a week.

 

 **Ladybug:**  
oh  
oh, kitty, i'm so sorry  
if it makes you feel any better, i know him too

 

 **Chat Noir:**  
wait, for real?

 

 **Ladybug:**  
yeah  
not as well as you seem to, but i've met him a handful of times. and i know his son.  
did you sit with that knowledge for 12 days?

 

 **Chat Noir:**  
yes  
i know, i know. i should have told you. we could have gotten him so much sooner  
but i couldn't.

 

 **Ladybug:**  
no no it's fine.  
we got him in the end. paris is safe in the end.  
that's what matters.  
i'm just sorry that you had to deal with that by yourself for so long.  
i'm sorry that you know him well enough to have it on your conscience

 

 **Chat Noir:  
**i shouldn't have vanished. i know that.  
i feel really bad but  
i couldn't lie about it, right? i couldn't look at you and know that i was lying to you. lying to you about the BIGGEST THING THERE WAS EVER TO LIE ABOUT  
so i didn't put myself in a position where i had to.  
i didn't show up to school, either, you know. i worked so much that i couldn't think.  
so don't think that i was just avoiding you. or the team. or that it's 'a lot' to be with you, like you said  
because that's bullshit

 

 **Ladybug:**  
you just worked?? instead of going to school?  
didn't your friends notice that you were gone?? your teachers?

 

 **Chat Noir:**  
i kept in contact with them  
and my excuse was legit, so they didn't worry  
my teachers are pretty used to me calling out for reasons like that. so they didn't care much.  
oh, by the way  
i'm sorry i didn't show up. the night you left the thermos.  
the hot chocolate was pretty good after i heated it back up

 

 **Ladybug:**  
huh, i figured it was you  
it's okay. i forgive you.  
i'm sorry that i got mad. i should have let you talk first.  
i was just scared, and i didn't know how to handle it.  
i'll do better.

 

 **Chat Noir;**  
i don't blame you at all, ok?  
but i know you'll do better, regardless :P  
i forgive you, too.

 

 **Ladybug:**  
thanks kitty  
<3

 

 **Chat Noir:**  
oh by the way  
i really miss our voice calls, you know?  
i don't think i can do one tonight because, um, it's a little busy where i am right now  
but... in the next few days i'd really love to have that be our night routine again

 

 **Ladybug:**  
yes please!!  
i mean, um!  
yes! if you want! of course!  
i'm fine with that!

 

 **Chat Noir:**  
..... pffffffffft  
well, if you DONT want to, then fine! i guess i'll call queen bee every night instead

 

 **Ladybug:**  
no wait!  
you don't have to do that!  
i mean its no PROBLEM  
oh  
wait  
you're making fun of me  
bitch

 

 **Chat Noir:**  
gasp  
LADYBUG  
don't call me a bitch!  
if you're going to SWEAR at me at least use something non-gendered  
like "clusterfuck of a human being"

 

 **Ladybug:**  
you have literally TOLD me to call you a bitch before  
"hey bitch call me" remember?

 

 **Chat Noir:**  
hmm  
shit  
you're right

 

 **Ladybug:**  
duh, you clusterfuck of a human being  
that sounded too mean so i'm adding a <3

 

 **Chat Noir:**  
how dare you use the insult i told you to use

 

 **Ladybug:**  
you love it

 

 **Chat Noir:**  
more than you know

 

 **Ladybug:**  
<3

 

 **Chat Noir:**  
lots of heart emoticons from you lately, i've noticed  
don't tell me i've put you into cardiac arrest?  
you've noticed i'm a CATch, surely

 

 **Ladybug:**  
haha yeah  
i suppose i have

 

 **Chat Noir:**  
wait  
what?

 

 **Ladybug:**  
i mean um  
hahahha i didn't mean to say that  
i mean i MEANT it  
but i didn't mean to type it  
omg  
i'm gonna combust  
farewell

 

 **Chat Noir:**  
lb!!!!  
come back  
i stg  
i'll use your own trick on you  
Answer  
Respond  
Answer

 

 **Ladybug:**  
I DIDN'T EVEN LEAVE  
okay! look!  
i'm very willing to have the conversation that you want me to have!  
i'm not gonna do that thing you hate where i run away!  
even though i just tried to! digitally!  
but it's been a really long day.  
i think that we should talk more at length tomorrow  
when we're both um. well-rested!  
and maybe you know  
we could talk about this, um...  
as ourselves?  
since you know you need to give me my thermos back! it's my favorite one!

 

 **Chat Noir:**  
woah, really?  
not about the thermos, that's fine, but you want to meet up? as us?  
i mean  
you're right. it's been a long day  
we can talk about this tomorrow!

 

 **Ladybug:**  
great! goodnight! seeya!

 

 **Chat Noir:**  
wait up!  
i just wanted to say thank you  
i had a bad day, on the other side of the mask  
and you took my mind off of it  
just for a while  
so  
thanks

 

 **Ladybug:**  
of course! bye! i'm combusting!

 

 **Chat Noir:**  
i'll bring a fire extinguisher next time we meet

 

* * *

 

[23:43]  **group chat: gossip circle**

 

 **lesBEEan:**  
Here lies chat noir  
Assassinated by the hottest girl in paris

 

 **for fox sake:**  
i'm sure she didn't kill him  
you know. considering

 

 **lesBEEan:**  
Ugh  
They're probably swooning into each other's arms over text message  
Disgusting

 

 **turtley radical:**  
wait, are we shipping ladynoir again?  
i thought it was ladybug/you guys for the win

 

 **lesBEEan:**  
Well I'm not into polyamory personally  
And even though Ladybug will always be great:  
I HATE the 'lesbian pines for an unrequited love' trope. It's stupid and I will NOT fall victim to it  
There are hundreds of girls who would be HONORED to go on a date with me, and I don't need Ladybug to be one of them to be happy

 

 **for fox sake:**  
that's really mature  
i'm proud of you

 

 **lesBEEan:**  
Gah don't talk mushy with me, fox girl

 

 **for fox sake:**  
aaaaand we almost got somewhere!

 

 **turtley radical:**  
maybe ladybug is right  
no one really IS born evil

 

 **lesBEEan:**  
EXCUSE ME?  
I was never evil, you nasty reptile  
I wasn't nice, either, but evil? Come on.  
I'm nowhere near that Rossi girl, and you know it

 

 **turtley radical:**  
okay fair  
sorry

 

 **lesBEEan:**  
Hmmph.

 

 **the favorite:**  
i'm not dead or being slaughtered! why do you guys make so many dead jokes about me!

 

 **disaster bi:  
** you read the other ones?? did you read all the messages from when you were gone?

 

 **the favorite:  
**yes! just now! there was a lot of catching up to do, but I got the most important bit

 

 **disaster bi:**  
heh. heh. heh.  
right. of course  
goodnight!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 **turtley radical:**  
wait, lb! don't go!  
let's all meet up tomorrow!  
you know, we said we were all gonna hold hands and detransform, right?

 

 **the favorite:**  
that IS so romantic....

 

 **for fox sake:**  
now that i think about that, maybe it's a little too risky  
there are so many security cameras everywhre, and even though hawkmoth is gone, i still don't think a public identity reveal is worth it  
i mean, there's always a chance some wannabe villain tries to take his place, right?

 

 **disaster bi:**  
yeah, you're right  
we were thinking of meeting for boba, right? maybe we can just meet there, detransformed

 

 **turtley radical:**  
how will we know each other?

 

 **disaster bi:**  
errrr  
first person to get there can tell the group chat what table they're at?

 

 **lesBEEan:**  
Okay, sure. As long as I still get to pick the boba place.  
I say either the one on rue saint-jacques or rue daval  
Anyone want to choose between those two?

 

 **disaster bi:**  
hmmm... Chamie Bubble Tea is the one on saint-jacques, right?  
i'd say that one, cause it's closest for me  
but i'm fine with the other one too

 

 **the favorite:**  
that works for me

 

 **turtley radical:**  
me too  
what time??

 

 **lesBEEan:**  
Let's go at noon

 

 **disaster bi:**  
okay, that works  
i'll... see you all tomorrow, then!

 

 **for fox sake:**  
yes! i'm SO EXCITED!!!  
identity REVEAL HERE WE COME!!!

 

 **turtley radical:**  
rena ... tone it down a bit! you're being obvious!

 

 **for fox sake:**  
SORRY  
I'm just so excited, guys!

 

 **lesBEEan:**  
Obvious about WHAT?  
Is she some spy?

 

 **turtley radical:**  
hahaha, no  
she's just a fan

 

 **lesBEEan:**  
Oh  
Well, I suppose I understand that

 

 **disaster bi:**  
great! we've got a plan for tomorrow  
i'm dead on my feet, but, ummm. text you guys in the morning!!

 

 **lesBEEan:**  
Goodnight, Ladybug  
:)

 

 **disaster bi:**  
goodnight, queenie  
hey - you ever need me to talk you up to one of those hundreds of girls, just let me know  
you deserve the best!

 

 **lesBEEan:**  
Oh, well, thanks!  
I am the best, so that's what I deserve!

 

 **disaster bi:**  
haha, precisely!  
bug out

 

* * *

 

[00:09]  **direct messages: Rena Rouge**

 

 **Rena Rouge:**  
you better tell chat how you feel tomorrow  
i stg  
it'll fix whatever's been going on with him in a second

 

 **Ladybug:**  
haha umm  
i think what's going on with him is a bit more. severe. than a crush can fix  
i'm gonna give it time, you know?  
plus  
he probably already knows?

 

 **Rena Rouge:**  
????  
screenshots  
now

 

 **Ladybug:**  
[Attachment: 1 Image]  
[Attachment: 1 Image]  
[Attachment: 1 Image]  
i mean... i didn't outright SAY it but god there's no other way to interpret that is there

 

 **Rena Rouge:**  
awww, you got so flustered, that's so cute!  
you really like him, don't you?  
i know he likes you too.  
i bet tomorrow ends with a kiss

 

 **Ladybug:**  
omfg  
NO  
even if he outright was like "Ladybug I want to have your babies" i don't kiss right away

 

 **Rena Rouge:**  
leaving it till the third date, i see

 

 **Ladybug:**  
well i mean  
maybe not the THIRD date

 

 **Rena Rouge:**  
lmfaoooo  
can't wait to meet you tomorrow, lb  
i have a feeling we'll get along like a house on fire

 

 **Ladybug:**  
you know what? me too.  
goodnight

 

 **Rena Rouge:**  
goodnight!

 

 

 


	7. coconut milk tea

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Chat Noir:**  
>  what if you and i show up a little early? meet each other first?

[08:40]  **direct messages: Chat Noir**

 **Chat Noir:**  
good morning!  
any chance that you're awake?

 

 **Ladybug:**  
yuuuup  
what's up? getting cold paws?

 

 **Chat Noir:**  
nope, though i suppose you could say that i'm BUGging out a little  
i was thinking- what if you and i show up a little early? meet each other first?

 

 **Ladybug:**  
hmmm  
how early?

 

 **Chat Noir:**  
eleven?  
i'll buy you a bubble tea

 

 **Ladybug:**  
hmmm  
only if it's coconut :P

 

 **Chat Noir:**  
deal!  
i'll see you at 11, then?

 

 **Ladybug:**  
yes! at 11!

 

* * *

  

[09:57] **direct messages: Rena Rouge**

 

 **Rena Rouge:**  
chat noir just keysmashed a LOT, but the general vibe i'm getting from that text is that you and him are meeting up first?  
girl  
what are you going to WEAR

 

 **Ladybug:**  
um, clothes?

 

 **Rena Rouge:**  
ha-ha, very funny  
you know what i mean  
this is the first time the boy you like is going to see how cute you are with the mask OFF and you hit me with 'CLOTHES?'

 

 **Ladybug:**  
okay, i see your point  
but still. it's just me and chat. he and i have known each other forever.  
if i try too hard at a BOBA PLACE it'll be so obvious and cringeworthy

 

 **Rena Rouge:**  
then don't be obvious  
just wear a v-neck and sit across the table from him  
and lean over

 

 **Ladybug:**  
omfg  
that won't WORK

 

 **Rena Rouge:**  
hahahah it will

 

 **Ladybug:**  
chat noir doesn't notice things like that!!! sure he's a stupid flirt but he's a gentleman and he would Never

 

 **Rena Rouge:**  
um  
do you remember that one time when we were patrolling and you were leading, and all of a sudden chat fell and faceplanted into the apartment building

 

 **Ladybug:**  
yes  
though, contextually, i don't like where this is going

 

 **Rena Rouge:**  
he was staring at your butt  
he wasn't, but then i was like "damn, lb's butt though", and then he immediately took a glance and fell off a building  
hahahahaha

 

 **Ladybug:**  
omfg aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagh  
why would you tell me this i am going to see him in AN HOUR  
i'll LOOK at him and know that he looked at my ASS

 

 **Rena Rouge:**  
well you've looked at his ass before!

 

 **Ladybug:**  
NO I HAVENT

 

 **Rena Rouge:**  
lol  
yes  
you sigh dramatically at his butt whenever he leaves after an akuma  
hate to see him go, but love to watch him leave  
yada yada

 

 **Ladybug:**  
i hate this conversation  
these allegations are false

 

 **Rena Rouge:**  
sure

 

 **Ladybug:**  
>:(

 

 **Rena Rouge:**  
now go get ready! you have a beau to meet

 

 **Ladybug:**  
>:(  
hey, do you think a pink v-neck would be cute? or should i wear red to stick with the ladybug theme?

 

* * *

 

 [10:51]  **direct messages: Chat Noir**

 

 **Chat Noir:**  
hey completely no rush or anything but i did end up getting here a little earlier than we agreed on  
i'm at a table to the left, near the window, and i'm the only blond boy sitting alone

 

 **Ladybug:**  
okay! i'm almost there actually. i'm like three blocks away  
so we'll be early together!!!

 

 **Chat Noir:**  
great! cool! awesome!  
....  
whew, it's kind of hot in here, i'm kinda sweating  
hope you didn't bring a heavy jacket, haha!

 

 **Ladybug:**  
that's weird, i usually remember that place being air conditioned

 

 **Chat Noir:**  
i think it is!! but maybe it's just not working right now!!!  
maybe i'm just a little nervous, after all, you're such a CATch  
but i don't mean to be PETty

 

 **Ladybug:**  
lolll nice, puns as a deflection technique  
it's okay to be a little nervous, kitty!

 

 **Chat Noir:**  
how dare you psychoanalyze me like this

 

 **Ladybug:**  
okay  
i'm outside

 

 **Chat Noir:**  
eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

 

 **Ladybug:**  
okay.. i just gotta... walk in.....  
......  
......

 

 **Chat Noir:**  
... are you gonna come in?

 

 **Ladybug:**  
I CAN DO IT  
I JUST GOTTA  
WALK IN

 

 **Chat Noir:**  
do you need me to come out there and drag u in

 

 **Ladybug:**  
NO I'M FINE

 

 **Chat Noir:**  
awww, lb, it's okay to be a little nervous <3

 

 **Ladybug:**  
that's my line!!!  
phew okay

 

 **Chat Noir:**  
count to three. then do it

 

 **Ladybug:**  
okay, okay

 

 **Chat Noir:**  
... has it been three seconds yet?

 

 **Ladybug:**  
probably? i haven't started counting yet.

 

 **Chat Noir:**  
omfg  
i'll start you off  
One

 

 **Ladybug:**  
Two

 

* * *

 

_Three._

Marinette forces her legs over the threshold into the boba shop, stepping aside so that she isn't in the way of the entrance. It's crowded to the point where she can't see most of the table's occupants, since taking a step forward would mean crashing right into a baby stroller, and going backwards would mean bumping into someone's backpack, but she bites down the overwhelming stress. She is  _Ladybug._ She is cool, calm, collected. She is going to find Chat Noir, and they are going to have a nice, civilized conversation. That's all.

 _Gosh,_ it's not like he's a supermodel or something. Under the mask, he's just a boy, the same way that she's just a girl. This is the boy who puns at her until she cracks a smile, who puts himself between her and every danger that there is. This is her  _best friend._ There's no need to panic. It's just the two of them, the way that it's always been. Marinette closes her eyes, right there in the sea of people, and inhales.  _It's okay,_ she tells herself.  _Everything is going to be just fine._

When she opens her eyes again, the crowd has parted, not significantly, but enough to let her see the tables directly in front of her. She sees a family of five, a couple on a date, and -

Adrien.

Adrien  _Agreste._

He's sitting alone, sipping halfheartedly at his bubble tea as he checks his phone. He looks wonderful and lovely and  _exhausted,_ drumming his fingers against his plastic cup in what could be both excitement and anxiety. He types out something with his free hand, and the moment that the action ceases, Marinette feels her phone buzz in her pocket. Disbelieving, she fishes her phone out, expecting to see  _Adrien :)_ as the contact name, (since she'd deleted all of the emoji hearts weeks ago) but instead seeing:

 

 **Chat Noir:**  
did you ever make it to three? did you die?  
lb, come on, i'm not that scary, i won't bite

 

 **Ladybug:**  
have some confidence in me!  
i'm not dead  
it's just a little crowded in here

 

 **Chat Noir:**  
ohh yeah, fair point  
i can stand up, if that would help?

 

Marinette glances back at Adrien, who is staring right at his phone, clearly waiting for an immediate response. He shifts his body, ready to stand up at her say so, ready to do what she asks. Her face breaks out into a grin at the sight of him, and oh, she  _loves_ him. It's not the same way that she loved him before, no, it's clearer now. Before, she'd loved Adrien so recklessly and blindly, but now she can see. She can _see,_ but she still chooses him. Any day, every day. It's always him.

And by the sights of things, it looks like he loves her, too. 

Her heart swells, so tightly that it constricts, and then it  _shatters._ Because this is  _Adrien Agreste._ The boy whose father had gone to prison last night. The boy who had played a  _huge_ part in making it happen.His whole world has turned upside down, and yet he's still here to see her. She really means that much to him. Does she even deserve this? Does she even deserve a boy so  _devoted_ to her?

Empathetic, heartbroken tears well in her eyes, but she blinks them away. Regardless of whether or not he shows it, he's going to be in a really rough place right now, and she needs to be the rock that he can rely on. The texts to her last night had proven that well enough. She can't cry over a loss that isn't even hers.

 

 **Ladybug:**  
no need  
i see you

 

Marinette takes another step forward, trying and failing not to bump shoulders with those next to her. Now that her eyes are on Adrien, and she knows that he's her kitty _,_ she can't take them away. She watches him light up at her message, his body turning to look around the shop. He looks to his left, and then his right, and then - then he sees her. She finds herself frozen in place, watching closely for his reaction. It would be so easy for him to bid it a coincidence, to ask her to keep him company until his other friends arrived. Then she'd have to explain and say  _actually, mon minou, I'm here for you._

But he doesn't just wave her off, oblivious. His eyebrows knit together ever so slightly, and his mouth parts in curiosity. Then he  _beams,_ bright and beautiful, waving her over excitedly. His positive energy is infectious, so she strides over to him, anxieties momentarily forgotten.  _He knows, and he's_ happy  _about it. Everything will be okay, if we just give it time._

"Hi," she breathes, so quiet that he probably can't hear her over the boisterousness of the shop. Her cheeks must be so red right now, but she can't find it in herself to care. This feels like the last chapter in a novel, after the climax and the falling action, when everything is wrapping up neatly. This feels like the ending of an era, and the beginning of another. 

"Hi," he repeats, and she realizes that he has super hearing, so the volume of the people around them doesn't matter. He pats the seat across from him, and it has an untouched coconut milk tea waiting there for her. "I - come sit!"

"Okay," she agrees, laughing even though he hadn't made a joke, and slides into her seat. She takes her straw and stabs it into the plastic lid, but it takes a few times because her hands are shaking. Each mistake just makes her laugh more, though, and then she's giggling wildly, laughing at herself and the entire situation. "I'm sorry, I'm not laughing at you, I'm just-" Instead of finishing her sentence, she flails her hands.

"I completely understand," he reassures her, his bright smile still not wiped off his face. "I feel rather blind, don't you?"

That just makes Marinette crack up even more, but this time, Adrien joins her. They laugh and laugh until she can barely breathe and tears are in her eyes, and he takes short, gasping breaths in an effort to calm himself down. "You sit  _right in front of me,_ " she says, once she can finally speak again. "Oh, God, I should've known your identity the second that you said  _what a knightmare._ "

"You remember that?" he asks, pleased with no effort to hide it. "That was a half-baked attempt to get myself out of a sticky situation. I don't think that I'd quite turned off Chat mode yet."

"I remember everything you say," she says, not thinking about how it might come out. But even when his face turns warm and surprised, she can't bring herself to regret it. "I mean it! Both as Chat and Adrien." She feels as though that might have been a bit too much, so she sips her bubble tea. She's glad that she'd mentioned what flavor she likes to Adrien beforehand, because she couldn't bear to leave the table now to go to the line. She'll have to buy him something in return, though. Like a croissant, or a coffee, or an ice cream. Something good, to make him smile.

"I'm glad that you say that," he tells her. "I mean - I know that we're friends, as Adrien and Marinette, but, I didn't, er, really get the feeling that you were all that comfortable with me."

Guilt hits Marinette like a train. Does he think that she's still mad about the gum incident? Or does he know what has always been plain fact to everybody else? "Oh, Adrien, if I ever made you feel uncomfortable, I'm so sorry-"

"No, no, it's not that," he says, reaching out to take her free hand. "I totally get it. You want to get into the fashion industry and my dad is the most powerful designer in France. You don't want people to think that you're using me, but you don't want to piss me off, either. It's a slippery slope."

Woah. That was  _not_ what she'd been expecting him to say. She opens her mouth to respond, but then closes it when she realizes that there's nothing to say that won't expose her ridiculous crush on him.  _He has a ridiculous crush on you, too,_ says a voice in her head that sounds suspiciously like Alya. Or at least, he  _had,_ before he'd known who she was...

It's not like Marinette has  _any_ concerns about how  _friggin'_ awesome she is, okay, she definitely knows that she's a catch. Maybe she hadn't, in the past, but continuous pep talks from all of her friends and an elder god that sits on her shoulder are enough to do great things for a person's self-esteem. But she also knows that sometimes, when you know more about people, things change. Crushes fade, and friendships grow stronger. It's not a bad thing by any means, but it definitely could turn the conversation awkward.

Adrien reads something on her face that she hadn't even realized was there. "I'm wrong," he realizes, confused. "Wait, I'm wrong? How am I wrong?"

 _Count to three, then do it._ She takes a deep breath. "I wasn't  _intimidated_ by you," she says, slow. "Well, not really. It's just that - I was in  _love_ with you." A ramble bursts up in her throat, about  _wait, not past tense, I still am in love with you, but I'm in love with Chat-Noir-you, and now I'm also in love with Adrien-you again because you're the same person, and I'm very confused,_ but she squashes it down with a sip of her tea. 

He chokes, leaning into his elbow to start coughing. "Oh, please don't die," she says, panicked. "If you die via tapioca, it'll be so ridiculous that the police will be certain that I'm lying through a murder attempt, and then I'll have to design cute clothes in prison." He keeps coughing, but this time he shakes with laughter throughout it all.

"Oh my  _God,_ you are so dramatic," he teases, as if he is any better. "Nice to know that you're only worried about my death if you're being charged for it, though!"

Marinette pouts at him. "You  _know_ that's not true, you brat cat."

His smile, ever present since the beginning of this conversation, finally fades a little. "Wait, you  _were_ in love with me? But you aren't now? What happened?"

"I-" Marinette doesn't know how to answer that.  Because she can either say  _please marry me_ or deny all affection, and neither of them seem to have a positive outcome. Can't they just talk about the weather or something equally mundane until the others come? Do they have to talk about her feelings? "Um, Chat Noir happened."

Adrien freezes. "But I-" he hesitates, just the way that she had just moments before, and then takes a sip of his drink. Marinette takes a sip of hers, too, just so she can gnaw anxiously on something while waiting for his response. "I'm Chat Noir," he finally says.

"Yes."

"You love me?" He sounds confused, a little scared, and so,  _so_ hopeful that she throws subtlety out the window.

"Yes."

"Oh," he says. The silence hangs in the air, full of the tension that they had somehow avoided at the beginning of this conversation. "It's, um, mutual. You know that, right?"

Marinette dies, goes to heaven, and then has her spirit pushed back into her body, all within the span of a second. "No," she says, trying not to sound too excited. She fails. "I didn't know that at all."

"Oh."

"Oh," she agrees. It's a nice knowledge to gain, but she knows that now is definitely not the time for a _let's date_ conversation. Definitely soon, after he's had more time to heal, and their identities have had more time to sink in, but... not now. In her effort not to say anything overbearing, she doesn't say anything at all, leaving only quiet to fill the air. Before the silence can get too awkward, she blurts, "Hey, does that mean that I can call you 'hot stuff' to your face now?"

Adrien jolts, mouth agape with tapioca in his teeth, and then he cackles, boisterous and vivacious. Marinette is enthralled by it, by how similar it is to the way that he'd laughed in the rain, but not too mesmerized to keep from chuckling, too. The conversation changes from their feelings after that, instead turning into every other subject out there. They talk about schoolwork and fashion and their friends, about their team - " _let's order for them now so that they don't have to wait in suspense any longer than necessary" -_ until she glances at her watch and realizes that it's a minute before noon.

"It's almost time for the big reveal," he says, as if this hasn't been big enough already. "Are you nervous?"

"Kind of," she admits. "I mean, obviously I know who they are, but they have no idea that I'm Ladybug. I... don't know how it will go. Especially in Chloé's case."

Adrien winces at that, nodding sympathetically. "To her credit, she's changed a lot over recent months. I think that she'll be more approving of it than you think she will be, even if she does complain a little."

Marinette giggles. "Oh, totally. She'll be all  _Dupain-Cheng, this is totally a prank_ as she flushes under her foundation."

But it's not Chloé that comes in first. It's Alya and Nino, holding hands as they look around the shop. Alya is bouncing off of the walls, a force of nature that never stops moving, but Nino is too still, scared into place as she drags him along. Marinette grins at the sight of them, wide enough to make Adrien turn from where he's sitting, trying to follow her line of sight. " _Woah,_ " he says, once he's seen who she's looking at. "Is that - it  _is._ I really don't know why I'm so surprised right now."

"I guess that I'm a little predictable," she says, before raising her hand to catch their attention. "Alya! Nino!"

They snap their heads over like two deer in headlight, mouth agape once they realize just who it is that is calling them over. For a second, Alya looks like she's about to write it off as a coincidence, but she glances down at the shirt that Marinette is wearing - a red V-neck - and  _gapes._ Marinette can only wave and smile, hoping that they don't freak out right there in the middle of the boba shop.

Nino, who had been so still before, bounds over to them, yanking Adrien out of his seat and into a hug. "Bro," he says. "Bro, it's you!"

"It's me," Adrien agrees, and Marinette is very willing to ignore the fact that he sounds as though he is about to cry, given the circumstances. "It's  _you._ "

While they're bro-embracing, Alya tugs Marinette out of her seat as well, wrapping her into a quick hug. "I don't know why I'm surprised," Alya says, quieter than Marinette has possibly ever heard her. "Of course it was you."

Marinette smirks, even though her face is buried into Alya's shoulder. "Well, how do you think I knew that your best friend was so hot?"

Alya snorts. "Wow, I didn't know you were so confident. But I guess it makes sense. All of us talking you up every single day must have gotten to your ego." It's a joke, and a well-received one, at that, but it does have a sense of truth to it. Marinette hadn't exactly been the most outgoing person before all of this, and she would hardly call herself egotistical now, but she feels different. Self-assured. _Better._

"I tried to give it to you," she blurts, even though that's not what she means to say. It probably isn't what she _should_ say either, not right now. "The Ladybug miraculous. I'd just met you, but I knew you'd be great for it, so I snuck it into your bag."

Alya pulls away to look into Marinette's eyes. Her mouth drops open again, her eyebrows high, but then they narrow into a look of determination. "It was meant for  _you,_ " she insists. "I'm so glad that I never found it. It was always meant for you."

"Ugh, how did I know that I'd walk into a sappy love fest?" 

Chloé stands there, hands rigid on her hips as she glares at them. She rolls her eyes. "It's not like any of this is a surprise, of course. Can't we all sit down? I've been walking in these heels for  _five blocks._ "

Adrien grins at her, and for a moment, Marinette thinks that he's going to tug her into a group hug, but in the end, he decides to respect her boundaries. "Sure." He finally pulls away from his bro-husband, sliding into his seat. "We ordered before you guys got here. Lemon for Chloé, mango for Alya, matcha for Nino."

Nino looks at him, starry-eyed. "You know me!"

"We've gotten bubble tea  _dozens_ of times, of course I know you!"

Marinette giggles, sitting down next to Alya. Chloé sits on her other side, rigid with discomfort. "You're really not surprised?" Marinette asks with a genuine smile, which seems to relax Chloé considerably.

"No," is the answering confirmation. "I had Adrien figured out weeks ago, same with the two romantic brats. The only person missing from that group was you, so it made sense."

"That's smart," Marinette says. "For what it's worth - I would have chosen you, if I'd gotten the chance. Maybe I wouldn't have realized it right away, but you  _deserve_ it. I believe that so strongly now."

Chloé sips her tea in lieu of an answer, but Marinette can tell that there's something unspoken, under the surface, so she just waits. Eventually, it comes. "There were three girls," Chloé says. "Do you remember that?"

Vaguely. Marinette had been so worried about telling her superhero team about Adrien that she'd found it hard to focus on anything else. "Yes."

"You were two of them," Chloé admits, looking at the others to ensure that they're too wrapped up in their own conversation. It's not the biggest surprise, since Marinette is more than well aware about Chloé's crush on Ladybug, but the number _two_ is what surprises her. "The first one, and the last. Marinette and Ladybug. I don't want you to do anything with this information, alright?  _Don't._  I just figured that you should know, because I have a date with this girl on Friday, and you're one flirtatious comment away from marrying Adrien. I can't just fast forward to the next song without finishing this one. I had to tell you."

Marinette places a warm hand on Chloé's shoulder. She must be feeling awkward as hell right now, so Marinette wants to do whatever she can to lessen that stress. "Thank you for telling me. I hope your date goes well."

Chloé scoffs. "I'm just glad that you finally got your head out of your ass to see that Adrien was right in front of you. That stupid tangled-up romance shtick was  _annoying._ "

Marinette laughs, loud enough that the others start paying attention to the two of them. "Oh, yeah, it really was. I feel like a moron."

"I straight-up told you that I thought Adrien was Chat Noir once, and you told me  _no way,_ " Alya points out, much to Marinette's chagrin. "And girl, I almost uncovered you a hundred times!"

"Hey, you thought I was too clumsy! You never would have figured me out, even if we kept at it for the rest of our lives!"

Her words must trigger something in Nino, because he jolts, as if finally realizing something. "Wait, now that Hawkmoth's gone - are we still gonna get to keep our kwamis? Or are they going to get taken away?"

The boisterous group drops into silence within a second. The idea is quite scary, after all. Bonding with a creature that you spend twenty-four hours a day with, seven days a week, means the idea of them being taken away is horrible. Marinette pauses in horror with them, before she realizes that she's the only one who can truly answer this question. "Things are going to be different now. We won't have akumas anymore. And we'll have to talk to Master Fu, but, I promise you, we will  _fight_ like hell to keep our kwamis. Paris still needs us, Hawkmoth or not."

This chapter is closing, she knows. Tomorrow is a new day, a brand new page, and she might not even have Tikki at the end of it. But she has her team now - her  _friends_ \- and most of all, she has her partner. She'd fight for them with blood and tears, and knows that they would do the same for her.

Adrien places his hand on hers from across the table. "We'll figure it out," he promises. With a chorus of agreements, the other three lay their hands down on top of his. "Come on, no one can beat the gossip circle and actually  _win_."

"Please don't call us that."

Yeah. Everything will be fine.

Marinette's sure of it.


End file.
